


Changing your Mind

by HeyAmyy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Abusive Relationships, Angst, F/F, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Kuroo doesn't believe in love, M/M, More angst, No spoiler here, Panic Attacks, Suicide (but is not one of the main characters so don't worry), Tsukishima Needs A Hug, did i already say angst?, kuroo is an angel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-03-23 21:28:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13796700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyAmyy/pseuds/HeyAmyy
Summary: Everything starts when Kuroo meets Tsukishima in a complicated situation.And for someone who doesn't believe in love and don't want to be bothered, he's paying too much attention on Tsukishima. More than he wanted.





	1. Waking up

**Author's Note:**

> In this chapter, Kuroo and Tsukishima don't know each other, and each one of them has their own sad past (or even present), this is honestly just a small chapter, because it's just a intro ˆ-ˆ
> 
> It is my first time writing a English fanfic, since English isn't my first language, but I hope y'all will like it :) If I do any Grammar mistake please tell me so I can fix it as soon as possible ;)

Why was all that happening to him?

He asked himself that question every single day. Perhaps it was because of everything wrong he has done in his life, or it was a way for him to pay for disappointing his parents. He knew that maybe he was just unlucky, but he couldn't give himself such a easy way to explain everything that was happening.

He heard the alarm, it was time to wake up and go to work. But he didn't want to open his eyes and see that person sleeping next to him, he only hoped that a miracle would happen and they wouldn't be there anymore. 

And everything turned out as expected, they were still there, sleeping profoundly like they didn't have any kind of problem on their life. 

He got up of bed and quickly prepared to go to work.

Working was a thousand times better than spending time with them. His own lover.

 

xx

 

Kuroo woke up with the sound of the annoying alarm, meaning he had to go to work. He calmly got off bed and started doing his breakfast, while the coffee was being made, he soon dressed up. Since he worked in a design company, the dress code wasn't rigid, he was pretty free in wearing whenever he wanted. 

He liked his job, but sometimes he had to work in some projects that he wasn't really interested in, but for being one of the best designers of his company, sometimes he had to take jobs that were boring, Especially if they were requests from big and famous companies.

After wearing a pretty normal v-neck green t-shirt, and jeans, he started to eat his usual breakfast. He liked the traditional Japanese breakfast with Miso soup, rice and fish, but he didn't have time for this, so he stick up with the western breakfast, bread, a big mug of coffee, and when he had a little bit of time, pancakes.

In all his 26 years, he never had a great experience with love, and when he had, all that came to him after was deception and sorrow. It is true that he had many girlfriends, and even boyfriends in the past, but real love, this one happened only once in his life, and now that he thought about it, he felt pretty dumb for believing that all that relationship was real.

Well, past was past, and he wasn't going to make the same mistake again. Love was a thing he would never trust.

 

xx

 

Tsukishima was already at work, he was just doing the usual, planning a building in a residencial area, it was going to be a big and quite a luxurious one, the project was almost done, only a few things he had to re-do because his boss wasn't satisfied with it. Well, his part was almost done, other people still had to take care of things like, which company will build it, since he only did the projects, or who would do all the marketing.

But well... This wasn't his problem, he already had too much of it to have to take care of others.

Time flied while he was redrawing the building with all corrections, he hoped his boss would finally be satisfied with it. He wanted to work in another project fast, since he was already sick to see that same building every single day. But he had to do a great job this time, so he could have a chance for a promotion.

When Kei noticed, it was past midday and his stomach was starting to complain for not having any food in a long period of time, even if he was used to eat just a little bit. People would call him crazy, or sick for eating that little, but he was already used, so he didn't mind.

He decided to take a break and find something to eat, he went to a café near of where he worked and asked for a juice and a sandwich. While he waited for his food, he decided that it was a good time to call his lover, since he did it every single day.

"Hello? Are you awake?" Tsukishima said calmly.

"Of course I'm awake! How do you think I answered you?" He could hear the voice on the other side, being as rude as always.

"Oh, you are right, I'm sorry... Did you eat the food I left in the fridge? You just need to warm it up, I made all your favorites this time" Tsukishima said it all in a calm and slow voice, taking care with his words.

"Good, I'm going to eat now, and after don't call me, I think I'm gonna go out tonight, so don't wait for me either."

"I understand, thank you for telling me, I love you" These last words were said with a dry feeling in his mouth, but he still told it to him, every single time.

"Ah, don't forget to put some money in my bank account, I'm broke again. That's all I had to say, bye"

Before Kei had the chance to say bye, his boyfriend had already hang up.

Kei didn't know in what exact point of his life he had made a mistake, but he thinks he deserve all that he's passing through.

It was his own fault. He was sure of this.

 

xx

 

As soon as he arrived the office he was already greeted for his co-workers, they were all friendly people honestly, of course there were some he was more close off, like Bokuto, but in general, he get along with everyone. Even with his boss that was a mean woman, everyone seemed to hate her, but fortunately she liked him enough to give him some interesting projects once in a while.

But this time, he was with a boring project, make a logo for a residencial building. Sure, it was going to be big, and sure he probably would receive a good money for this, but he still couldn't enjoy it as much as he liked to. Personally he liked to work with making the design of movie or series titles, he liked to make logos too, but only if the company was interesting, something that a residencial building wasn't.

"Hey, Kuroo!" It was the loud voice of Bokuto, he didn't dislike it though, he was just as loud when he was with Koutarou.

"Oh, Bo! What happened?"

"So, you wanna go to that restaurant tomorrow night? I decided to not drink when I have work in the other day, once was already enough" Bokuto said it clearly remembering the time they both went drinking in a Wednesday, and in the other day Bokuto couldn't do any work because of his hangover.

"Yeah, sure! It's been almost two weeks since we went drinking, I'm needing it a little bit"

The small talk was great, but then he remembered that shitty logo he had to do, and since they wanted it quickly, he had to hurry. The final project was basically done, but he had a problem in deciding which color should he use in the letters, gray was something everyone used in building's logos, so he didn't want it. Other colors that went well with the theme were cyan and wisteria too, but he needed someone else's opinions. 

"Hey Bo! Come here!" 

"Oh, sure, what do you want?" 

"I don't know if I should use cyan or wisteria in the letters... What do you think?" He asked with a tone of doubt in his voice, he liked wisteria more, but he thought cyan would fit the theme better.

"Ahh, colors huh? It's always a pain to choose which use... Both look good honestly, but cyan gives more impact" Bokuto gives him a honest opinion, usually he was only loud, but surprisingly he could be serious when he was working.

"That's true, thanks Bro"

Then it was decided that it was going to be cyan, now he only had to finish the last details. He hoped his boss would be satisfied with it, the project was boring but big, so he had to make a good impression.

Had finished everything, he saved and sent to his boss. Soon she would give him her opinion, so now he only had to wait. "Hey, I'm going to take a break" he announced.

He went to a park near his job, it was a relaxing place. Almost no one went there, but it was alway clean. He liked to seat in one of the benches and just think. Think about everything, his life, his past lovers, his work, his friends. It was a place where the thoughts would just flow in.

He bought a coffee in one of the vending machines and drank it slowly, the wind was quite strong, so he used the hot can to warm up a bit. 

His phone soon rang, meaning that it was time to go back to work, it felt like he was there for five minutes, but had passed almost half hour. 

"Time to go back..." He whispered to himself seeing smoke because of the cold

 

xx

 

Tsukishima had finished his work, the building project was almost done, and that was a good sign. He would receive a good amount of money for this one, maybe he could even move apartments, since the one he and his lover had wasn't anything big or comfortable.

Arriving home he saw the usual view, some beer cans in the room, and the kitchen a mess. He started to clean everything, while doing it he saw a picture frame in the nightstand, it was him and his boyfriend, they both were young, and happy.

 

He really missed those times.


	2. Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo finally meets Tsukishima!! But unfortunately they don't speak much with each other... But even so, I hope you enjoy this chapter! You'll notice I like to write about some useless stuff, but that's kinda my way of writing, so I hope you like it!
> 
> As usual, if you notice any Grammar mistake please tell me so I can fix it as soon as possible!

Having finished all the chores, Tsukishima thought that it would be good to take a good long hot bath, but then he remembered that he couldn't waste money, so he just went and took a fast shower.

He put his pajamas and saw if they had any food left at home, his last meal was in that café. It turned out that they didn't, meaning his boyfriend wouldn't have food for them to eat tomorrow too. Tsukishima looked at his wallet and saw only 3000 yens, that would do. He put all the money left for him and put in the desk, with a little note "I'm sorry I couldn't cook for you, please use this money to eat whatever you want".

It was still fairly early, 8:53 PM to be more exact. Tsukishima would usually go to bed sleep at 11 PM, so he just grabbed his cellphone and started to read a book that he downloaded illegally while using the café's wi-fi. He loved reading, but he couldn't afford buying all those books. Sure he had the option of taking from a library, but he feared that the books would not be in a safe place, not here.

He picked a mystery one this time, he was reading way too much adventure books in the past months, so he thought a change would be nice.

Books were his salvation, they were a place where he could take his mind off his problems, he could read for hours without being bothered. The best books in his opinions were the ones that could make him feel something, it could be anger, sadness, happiness, all kinds of feelings. This meant that the book was well written, and that the author put real effort in it.

Other thing he really appreciates is music, music has almost the same effect in him as a book do, but unfortunately his earphones are broken, and he can't afford buying new ones, and if he did bought one, it would be probably broken again in only a few weeks. With this Tsukishima only heard songs when he was in public spaces, the music they put wasn't exactly his taste, but it was what he had.

As he started to read the book, he started to remember why he loved mystery books so much when he was a lot younger, they have this mystic thing of making you know what will be the next clue, while you agree with the main character, thinking "Oh, I would never think like that", and the feeling when the main problem was solved you would always be surprised and at the same time happy when you had some right guesses.

Kei read multiple genres, but had only one that he refused to read. Romance. He couldn't stand reading it, not because of the drama, or the cliché's plots. But because he couldn't stand seeing a happy couple, he would always think "They are happy now, but I can imagine what will happen in only a few years".

He started to feel bad for feeling like that, it's not like he couldn't see two people happy, it's just that he thought they would eventually end up like him. And he didn't want to feel like this, specially when he was trying to forget about his problems, so he just didn't read any kind of books who had romance.

When he noticed the time, it was already 11:42 PM. Way too late, since he had to wake up early so he could catch a less crowded train. His work was a little bit far from home. He drank a cup of water and headed to bed.

He hoped that night he would sleep peacefully.

 

xx

 

When Kuroo got back to work he received exactly what he wanted to. His boss accepted and praised his work.

"Good job one this one, I liked how you used the colors, and it's really in the face that this will be for wealthy people. They like this kind of thing" Even though she said in her usual rude tone, you could still sense that she was proud, only didn't want to demonstrate it.

"Thank you as well Mrs. Yachi" Now he only had to wait until the clients saw the project, when this last step was done he could receive his precious payment.

When he was on his way to his desk he hear Yachi Madoka talking to him again, "Ah, one more thing... I hate it as much as you will, but you'll have to show this to the clients tomorrow... I'm really sorry for this, but I have a appointment that I can't delay anymore. You can bring someone else with you, maybe Sugawara? He already went to some business meetings, so it should be fine. But you can choose whoever you want too"

The news weren't good ones, but he wouldn't lose all his work because of this problem, "Understood Mrs., What time is it marked?" Kuroo said in a serious tone, trying to be as formal as he could.

"Tomorrow afternoon, 3 PM to be more exact, since you don't have any work to do, you don't need to work in the morning, think of this as a reward for troubling you" She said with a apologetic voice, she could be harsh and cold, but she hated to trouble others because of her own mistakes, even though it isn't her fault that she had something to do.

"I understand, thank you very much Mrs. Yachi" With this Kuroo went to his desk and started to clean up a bit, he was so busy with this project the last days that he didn't have the time to clean up. He was free for now, but he was sure that in two days he would receive another project to take care of. He just hoped it would be a interesting one this time.

After cleaning his desk, he used the rest of his free time to see how everyone was doing, he went to Bokuto's desk first, "Hey Bo, what are you doing?" Kuroo said in a informal and relaxed tone.

"Ah... There's this restaurant that is opening in a street near here, and they only do vegan food! I don't even like vegetables!! So I don't know how to make a logo for their restaurant..." Bokuto rarely had problems in work, but when he had, it was something complicated, if he couldn't figure out a solution fast, he would enter in his "depression mode" which was a pain to deal with.

"Oh, that sucks... So hey, wanna drink tonight? In my apartment, I'm in a good mood so I pay all the beers!" Kuroo said trying to cheer Bokuto up.

"Are you sure of this bro? You know I drink a lot..."

"Yeah! I'm 100% sure! We just need to pass in a convenience store before, I think I have only four cans at home now..." He wouldn't work in the next day in the morning, so he didn't have to worry about not waking up. He would drink a lot tonight.

There were times when drinking was the only way to simulate happiness. No, happiness was a strong word... Drinking was the only way to not feel like dying. It was easy, he just had to drink, so he would forget about all his problems. But these were old times, now he only drink when he was with Bokuto, or in a club when he felt like doing it with someone.

He went trough the other desks to see if someone wanted help on something, or just wanted a second opinion. Only their newest member wanted help with something, Yachi Hitoka, she was a cute, kind and sweet girl. She was the daughter of Mrs. Yachi, but she didn't receive any special treatment, actually it looked like she had a harsher treatment than everyone else.

Hitoka was a smart girl, so she quickly noticed that her mom liked Kuroo's works, she would often ask for his opinion when she wanted advice.

"Oh, Hitoka-chan! What it is this time?" Kuroo didn't mind a bit helping her, he actually enjoyed it, it felt like being a big brother.

"Ah, Kuroo-san, sorry for troubling you..." She said with a apologetic voice, it was no surprise to all office that Hitoka was shy, and had some problems with self-esteem and anxiety disorder. Kuroo imagined what kind of childhood she had.

"No, it doesn't trouble me at all, don't even worry about it!"

"Thank you very much Kuroo-san" She stopped to talk for a while, and eventually she started to talk again "I have to make a web banner of this electronics store... But I don't know if the font I used is good"

"Let me take a look..." Kuroo looked carefully to her work, and thought about what could be better and what was good. "You really improved since you arrived! I'm proud of you Hitoka-chan! But yes, I agree with you... The font doesn't look right, maybe if you try a more smooth one? This looks too square-y"

"Oh I see... I'm really thankful!"

"Ah, and maybe you could put this image here a little bit larger, don't worry about space for the words, everything is going to fit. But you should put more emphasis in this part."

"You're right! I'm sorry I didn't notice it before!" She sounded like she had done a horrible mistake, which wasn't the case.

"It's nothing! If you need anything more you can ask me!" With this Kuroo went back to his desk.

He then remembered one thing from not much time ago, only a few moths. _Hitoka had just entered the company and was working in a project that didn't fit her style, those are the worsts to work with. She was having some problems, but nothing to be alarmed about, every beginner had problems._

_This day he was working overtime, everyone had already went home, but he was close to his deadline and had a lot of things to do, and there was Hitoka working in her project too. She had worked in that project for a long time, and judging by her clothes she hadn't gone back home in the previous day._

_"Here Hitoka-chan, a mug of coffee, I hope you like it."_

_"Thank you very much Kuroo-san, I really appreciate it" She said looking in his eyes, and that's when he saw it. She had big dark circles, but that wasn't what made him alarmed._

_It was the bruise in her cheek. You could notice she tried to hide as much as possible with makeup, but still wasn't enough to completely cover it. But he ended up not saying anything, he couldn't butt in on other people's problems, especially if he wasn't close her._

_Some more time passed until she finally got up, she went to talk to her mother. Kuroo was already preparing to go home when he heard a loud sound, Like something breaking, probably made of glass. He thought that maybe he shouldn't meddle in family arguments. So he quickly got out of the office._

_Once he was out he heard the door being violently opened. It was Hitoka, she had another bruised cheek, she was breathing heavily, she tried to walk, but she ended up falling on the floor. She was shaking, sweating and couldn't breathe properly. Unfortunately Kuroo knew exactly what was happening, it was a panic attack._

_This time he couldn't help himself, he grabbed her and put her in a piggyback, he brought her to that park, where he bought a water and helped her to get better. It lasted 20 minutes, until she was completely recovered._

_"I'm truly sorry for all this, you shouldn't be bothered by my problems, I don't even know what can I do to apologize, please I'll do anything" It was the first thing she said when she started to breath properly._

_"Woah, don't even bother with it, it's only natural that I would help, you did nothing wrong Hitoka-chan"_

_With her head bowed she continued "Please let me repay for your kindness!"_

_Kuroo didn't know what to do and he knew she wasn't going to back off from her decision "Ok, then what about next week me, you and Bokuto got out to drink? You'll pay for our drinks then, is it alright? If you don't have the money, I don't need anything too"_

_"Of course I'll pay for you guys! I said I would do anything, thank you for taking care of this... and sorry that you had to see such a disgraceful sight... I'll be going now, I have to hurry so I can catch the last train, bye Kuroo-san!"_

_"Hitoka-chan!" Kuroo said a little bit too high because she was already far "I'll keep this a secret so don't worry!"_

After that they really went out to drink, he almost felt bad for her because Bokuto and him had drank quite a lot. Since then she turned out to be their 'little sister'. After some time, drinking together and talking, she told Bokuto what happened.

We could say we're good friends.

After he spent some time doing basically nothing, he saw it was time to leave.

"Hey Bokuto! Time to go!"

"Oh, time sure flied. Tonight I'm gonna drink like there's no tomorrow since you're paying" Bokuto said while he turned off his computer.

"Ha, don't forget you work tomorrow morning" They went out of the building and passed by the convenience store, buying beer, and some snacks too.

Finally they arrived Kuroo's apartment, Bokuto acted like it was his own house, well it's not like Kuroo minded, he did the same when he went to Bokuto's apartment.

They started to drink and talk about random things, until Bokuto suddenly got serious.

"Hey Bo, what happened? Suddenly you got all gloomy..."

"Nah, it's nothing don't worry about it..."

There it was, Bokuto's dejected mode... It was a pain to deal with it, but since he was his best friend he would always end up trying to cheer him up.

"Are you seriously trying to keep a secret from me? I'm wounded" Kuroo said joking, trying to cheer up the mood.

"It's nothing... It's just that I'm liking someone..."

Now that was something Kuroo was interested in.

It's true that Kuroo didn't believe in love, but this only mean he couldn't believe he could love again, or someone could truly love him. He wanted Bokuto to have a good and healthy relationship with whoever he liked.

"Oho? And who could be that someone? Do I know him?" Of course Kuroo knew Bokuto was gay, they have been friends for years, since high school. He would be pretty dumb if he hadn't noticed since Bo was pretty much obvious. Bokuto himself told him after two years of friendship.

"Maybe, or maybe not..." Bokuto said still dejected.

"Ahh, you're starting to piss me off! Just tell me who it is!" Kuroo didn't have much patience when he drunk.

"Ah, ok!"

Bokuto still thought for a moment before saying in a whisper.

"It's Akaashi.."

"Akaashi?" Kuroo asked confused

"Yes Akaashi! The owner of that pastry shop near work that we always go!"

Kuroo then remembered who he was talking about.

"Ooh, I remember him! His cakes are the best to be honest. But we only see him when he's putting new pastries in the showcase... How would you end up liking him though?"

"Last week I went there to buy something to eat in my way home, and he was in the cashier, the part-timer girl was out for some reason, then I asked him what he could recommend me because I was in doubt in what to pick, and aah, I don't have words, he was just so cute while he talked to me, I think I fell for him just because I talked to him a little bit..." Bokuto stopped for a moment, embarrassed, before he continued.

"I may or may not be going there almost everyday now..."

Kuroo couldn't help himself and started laughing.

"That's so fucking cheesy bro! I can't even believe!"

"Hey you're laughing way too much! When you fall for someone I'm going to laugh too, just you wait!" Bokuto seemed like he was angry, but Kuroo knew he truly wasn't.

"Sorry to say this to you Bo, but not gonna happen" He said while he drank another sip of beer.

"Just you wait, you fall for people when you're less expecting it" Bokuto was already way too drunk.

"But I remember Akaashi, he was truly a beauty huh?"

"Hey Kuroo! He's mine! Don't even put your eyes on him you little shit"

Kuroo burst out laughing, he was provoking Bokuto on purpose, it's not like he was interested in Akaashi.

"I'm just kidding, good luck with this Bo" This time he said it sincerely.

"Thanks Kuroo..."

Not much time later, Bokuto was already sleeping.

Kuroo wouldn't send him home in that state, so he just put him in the couch, setting a alarm on Bokuto's cellphone so he wouldn't forget about work.

Bokuto's cellphone had a password, but it way too easy to be discovered, he always changed to something he was interested in. So obviously his password would be 'Akaashi".

Guess what? It unlocked.

 

xx

 

When Kei woke up he saw his boyfriend sleeping soundly by his side, he smelled cheap shampoo and alcohol from his body. He was half naked, not even bothered in putting a pajama, probably he arrived home way too drunk for this.

He saw clothes in the floor, so he grabbed them and washed them carefully, trying to not make noise. He put it in the clothes line, so it could dry. When he looked at the clock he noticed that he was already a little bit late, so he just hurried and put his uniform. He left home without eating breakfast, but well he was already used too. He could just grab a little bit of coffee when he arrived at the office anyway.

He arrived the office at the usual time, and he saw a memo when he arrived his desk, "Good morning Tsukishima-san. The designer of the logo for the building you're working in will arrive today at 3 PM."

Good, Tsukishima hadn't prepared anything at all for the meeting. But he would find a way. It was like a general meeting, the designer would show the logo, and Tsukishima would explain the building project to their client. If the client wasn't pleased with it, they would have to re-do things from the start.

Tsukishima went to the bathroom and looked if he had any dark circle, or anything weird on his face. It didn't. Good.

He grabbed his coffee and went back to his desk to work. After some time he heard his phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Oh, Kei, did you already transferred some money to my account?" It was his boyfriend.

"Not yet, didn't I left some money so you could eat lunch?"

"Oh yes you did, I saw it. But only this can only buy me a meal, I need more money than this, and you know it."

"Ok, I understand. When I have my lunch break I'll pass by the bank and transfer some money, how much you want?" Tsukishima asked, already fearing the answer.

"100000 yens** (aprox. U$ 930)"

Tsukishima froze, he knew he only had a little bit more than this, but it wouldn't be enough even for him to eat.

"Ah, I don't know if I still have that much... We're already at the end of the month, can't you wait only until next week?" Tsukishima said in a pretty desperate voice.

"Kei" His voice was more serious now.

Tsukishima's body freezed, he couldn't move.

"I understand." His mouth managed to reply something, even when he was completely freezed.

"That's good, bye Kei"

The call cut off and Tsukishima breathed profoundly, like he wasn't breathing the entire call, and only now he could do it properly.

He looked at the clock, 11:13 AM. It would still take a while until his lunch break, and he wasn't going to lie, since his last meal was yesterday's sandwich at lunch, he was hungry. Really hungry.

He tried to take his mind off it, and got back to work. Not much time after he heard someone ask for his name.

"Tsukishima-san! Could you help us here? It's a emergency! Azumane-san is sick and something in his project seems off, but soon his client is going to arrive so he can take a look in the project."

Tsukishima minds started to work as soon as he saw Azumane's work, something was definitely wrong there, and he had to fix it.

 

\--

 

"We did it!" He could hear a girl in the back say.

Azumane was a good worker, so he didn't know how would he make such a dumb miscalculation. It was something really simple, but that affected the buildings stability if not fixed.

When he looked at the clock he saw 02:40 PM.

"Shit" Tsukishima muttered and hurried to grab all he needed for the presentation. He then headed to the meeting room.

There he saw two young men, both of them were dressed formally. One had a wild black hair and the other had gray hair.

He didn't know why, but the grinning face of the one with black hair pissed him off a little bit.

 

xx

 

Fucking gorgeous.

That was the first thing Kuroo Tetsurou thought when he saw the blond young man enter the meeting room. He was left without words until he saw Sugawara moving.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Sugawara. The vice-president of the company who made the logo." Sugawara said while he bowed his head.

"Pleased to meet you, my name is Tsukishima Kei, I'm the one in charge of the building project." After this 'Tsukishima' guy bowed to Sugawara he looked at me, like he was waiting for me to introduce myself.

"Nice to meet you Tsukishima-san, my name is Kuroo Tetsurou, I'm the designer who made the logo" I bowed formally to him, and he did the same.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Kuroo-san." He looked at me clearly disinterested, that kind of hurt.

Not much time later, the clients arrived. They all properly introduced themselves and after that, the meeting begun.

 

\--

 

When the meeting ended, Kuroo celebrated in his head. It was a really good thing that the client was satisfied with everything, he didn't really want to work in the building logo all over again, when he already had so much trouble in doing it.

Other thing he noticed was that the blonde in charge of the building project was way too young to be doing such a important job. With designers things were a little different, if they had the skills to, they could do important projects in no much time.

But Kuroo knew things like that didn't happen in other jobs, usually in this kind of projects he was used to see people with more than 30 years at least.

People in the room eventually started to go out, and the room was more and more empty. In the end, only him, Sugawara and Tsukishima were in the room.

"I guess that's it then Suga-san? Shall we go back to the company?" Kuroo offered to him, actually he was just tired. Being in a meeting was way more stressful and tiring than he thought it would be.

"Oh, you're right.. Mrs. Yachi won't come back to work today, but you should write a report and put it in her desk, she'll read it tomorrow then"

"Thank you for the hard work Sugawara-san, Kuroo-san" Tsukishima said while bowing his head.

"Ah, thank you for your hard work too" Kuroo said.

Both Tetsurou and Sugawara went out of the meeting room and headed to the car.

"Wanna grab a coffee first Kuroo? You look tired because of the meeting"

"Ah, you know me way too well Suga-san... But yes, I accept the offer."

 

xx

 

The meeting had finally ended, Tsukishima already went to a lot of these, but he always felt tired after. The client seemed to like his project, and the designer project too. Truth to be told, Tsukishima was pretty much surprised when he saw that 'Kuroo' had used Cyan, instead of the usual grey color.

He had no idea how much time had been since the meeting had started. 4:46 PM. Great, it was no surprise of why he was so tired. More than one hour of meeting was almost torture. He started to yawn and he didn't liked it, so he grabbed some coffee.

After having all his project done he would have to do nothing for now, probably tomorrow he already would have a new job to do, the sad thing was that he couldn't go home earlier too, because the company didn't let their workers go out earlier without a reason.

He started to clean some things in his desk and to see if he received any kind of email. after spending some time doing nothing he saw it was time to go home.

The first thing he did when he arrived home was see if his boyfriend was there, he wasn't thankfully. Tsukishima surely loved him, but nowadays he couldn't say it. And if he did, then love was much more painful than pleasant. Did everyone felt the same?

He started to clean the house, the kitchen wasn't messy but it had video games, and some beers in the floor. After cleaning everything, Tsukishima went to the bath. Again, a quick one. It has been months since the last time he stayed much time in the bath, he kind of missed it.

When he got out of the bath he couldn't even think, he only saw the punch coming.

Ah, it was happening again...

He felt not only one, but two, three, four... and after he couldn't even count anymore. By this time now, he had already fallen on the floor.

It hurts.

But he didn't fight back. The punches stopped, but then he could feel his kicks. Yuuji was a unforgiving person, Tsukishima didn't know what he did, but something it had to be. After some more kicks in his stomach, it finally stopped.

Tears rolled without permission from his eyes. He was already used, but the pain was still there. He felt it as much as he felt in the first time Yuuji did it. Now he only had to prepare his ears.

"You little shit! Why didn't you put money in my account?! Are you trying to rebel from me?! Or are you trying to save money so you can run away in the first opportunity?" Yuuji was yelling, it hurt his ears. But Tsukishima didn't dare saying something back.

Now Kei had discovered what he did wrong, he got so busy trying to solve Azumane's mistake that he ended up forgetting about it completely.

More yells came, but he didn't hear them. He only let the tears roll from his eyes. His entire body was with too much pain so that he could try to pay attention in anything.

Tsukishima was lying on the floor, and when he looked at it he saw the blood on it.

"Shit" was what he thought "I'll have to clean this up later"

Maybe it was his mouth or his nose that was bleeding, he couldn't really tell. Yuuji was now breaking some things in the apartment, Kei tried to get up of the floor when he heard Yuuji talk.

"Go out, don't come back tonight. I don't wanna see your ugly face, you shit. Someone's coming over, if you interrupt our fun, you won't get out only with a few punches" Yuuji said it with a calm voice, but he knew that it was a threat. And he wouldn't dare disobey Terushima.

He quickly grabbed the first coat he saw and headed out home. People stared at him, it is pretty obvious why, his face was a terrible mess. But he still wasn't comfortable, he hated when people looked at him.

He went then to a park, it took a while to go but it would be worth it, it was clean and almost no one went there, it would be the ideal place to stay.

When he arrived there, he sat in one of the benches.

"Shit" Tsukishima cursed, he brought a way too thin coat for the temperature that was.

He tried to warm up hiding his both hands in his arms, unfortunately it didn't worked very well. He even thought he could freeze to death in the way he was, he wouldn't really mind though.

Death seemed like a good solution for his problems.

Even though he knew have to endure it all, because everything that was happening was a consequence of his actions.

When he took a bath it was almost 8:30 PM, he assumed that by now it would probably be somewhere between 9 to 9:30 PM. He took a deep breath.

That would be a long night.

 

xx

 

Kuroo couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. There he was, Tsukishima Kei.

 _That_ Tsukishima Kei.

Wearing thin clothes and with a face showing all kinds of bruises. He saw dry blood and bruises all over his face.

It was a big surprise to see him like that, he couldn't even imagine meeting him again. His thoughts were interrupted when he noticed the failed tentative of Tsukishima to warm up. He knew he couldn't just stand like that and do nothing. He didn't like to intrude in someone's else life, but he couldn't let the guy freeze to death in that situation.

He bought a can of coffee and headed to the Tsukishima guy, that only noticed Kuroo when he talked.

"Um, excuse me Tsukishima-san? Do you want this can of coffee? It'll help to warm up..."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah this chapter was massively big... I probably won't do such big chapters... It's just that I got excited while writing all this :)
> 
> This fanfic probably will be updated in a weekly base, but I'll already say that when I'm in a test week, or I'm busy, it's highly likely that I won't write anything.
> 
> I hope you all liked! See you next chapter <3


	3. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know everything happens really slowly, forgive me T^T But well, interesting things happen in this chapter!
> 
> If you find any mistake, please tell me so I can fix it!

His blood freezed, Tsukishima couldn't believe that from all people, the guy with annoying grin would be the one to see him in that situation.

He didn't liked it.

"Um... Did you hear me? Do you want this can of coffee?" Kuroo looked cautious while talking to him, probably because of his face, obviously everyone would be a little bit surprised to see anyone in this situation.

Tsukishima was in doubt about accepting it or not, but the cold was too insupportable.

"I'll accept it, thank you very much" Tsukishima said with his usual annoyed and rude tone, but in the reality he was really grateful for the coffee, he was just a little shy for being seen like that.

He first grabbed the can so he could warm up his hands, once they were in a more comfortable temperature, he drank the coffee. It was so cold he could almost feel the hot liquid going inside his stomach.

After both men spent some time without speaking, Kuroo decided to initiate a conversation.

"Um... I'm not going to ask how this happened or anything like this, but you're going to freeze to death here, I think it's probably going to snow soon, and your face is a mess honestly. So... My apartment is quite near from here, you wanna go there? Just to take a hot bath or something like this" Kuroo kind of said all of this without thinking before, so only after he finished speaking he realized all embarrassing things he said.

"Why would you let a stranger go inside your room? I could be a criminal, look at my face, is full of blood." Tsukishima didn't intend to be rude to the kind stranger, but he couldn't help but doubt about all this situation.

There was silence.

"Ah... You're right... I'm sorry I just kind of said it all without thinking properly, you probably don't want to go inside of the apartment of some strange guy you never properly talked to" Kuroo looked at his foot, because he was a little bit embarrassed. "But anyway criminal-san, you can have my coat at least, I'm 100% sure that is way warmer than yours"

"What?" Tsukishima said surprised, looking at the tiny brand on the left side of Kuroo's coat. It surely was a expensive coat, much more expensive than he could buy himself.

"'What' What? Here put this on, it'll help you" Kuroo started to take off his coat, and put in the bench.

"No, I can't accept this... It's way too expensive! I can't let you lend me something this expensive!" Tsukishima didn't want to accept it for two reasons. The first one, it was really a expensive coat he never wore this kind of thing, and he actually felt bad for it. And second, if his boyfriend saw such a expensive thing, it would be him who would suffer the consequences.

"Then... Will you come to my apartment to warm up? I won't let you here you know? You'll have to pick one or another" All that Tsukishima could see was a big grin on Kuroo's face. He knew he had to make a choice but both oh them were bad.

"I'll choose the coat then, how can I give it back to you?" Tsukishima said while he put the coat on, he immediately felt that it was a little too big for him.

"Ah don't worry about it... It's a little old already, you can have it"

Tsukishima head started to think fast.

"Actually, I think a bath would be nice"

_Shit_

He talked without thinking, his head now couldn't even think straight, how could he let himself say such dumb things.

"Oho? Ok then!" After Tsukishima saw the big grin on Kuroo's face he felt like he had fallen on a trap.

Kuroo grabbed Tsukishima's arm and started to walk.

"You actually had this planned right?" Tsukishima said annoyed while he followed him.

"Maybe... But if it didn't turned out right, it would be fine too, the coat is a little bit old after all" The grin on Kuroo's face was still there. Kei didn't like it. He didn't know if he was made fun of, or if Kuroo was happy. Probably the first option.

They walked for about 7 minutes until Kuroo suddenly stopped. "We're here!" He finally let Tsukishima arm free and pinned to a big building on their side.

Tsukishima didn't want to admit, but it was way better than his run down apartment complex. He averted his eyes, ashamed of himself. Kuroo probably wasn't much older than himself but he had a way greater income than his.

"Tsukishima? Are you ok?" Kuroo looked at him worried.

"I'm fine, are we going inside or are we going to freeze to death here?" Tsukishima was rude, more rude than he intended to be with someone who was being gentle to him, but it was his own way to not show his shyness.

"You're right, sorry!" Kuroo entered the building, sure it wasn't anything really special, Kuroo wasn't rich after all, but it surely was ray better than Tsukishima's 'home'.

After entering the elevator and going to the 8th floor, they finally arrived in Kuroo's apartment. To Kei's happiness, it was really warm inside.

"Ah, thanks god I left the heater on, see? Much better here, right?" Kuroo said while he took his boots off.

"You're right... It's really warm here..." _Totally different from where I live_

Tsukishima was amazed by Kuroo's apartment, it was quite small (still bigger than his apartment) but it was really clean and everything was organized, he couldn't exactly tell how it was inside, but from the door he could notice some interesting decorations, Kuroo really had great taste in colors, all the house was light, but not using the usual cream or white color that is usually overwhelming. Instead light blue tones filled the place.

It didn't took much time appreciating until he heard a strange noise, like something being pierced. "What is this?" Tsukishima immediately asked.

"Ah, probably is Momo toying with something"

"Who is Momo?" Tsukishima asked with fear of the answer.

"My cat, why?" Kuroo asked confused of Tsukishima's frightened reaction.

"That's great... I don't like dogs, actually they really fear me, so I got a little worried" Tsukishima said while averting his eyes to the other side.

"Ohh... I'm glad I discovered something new from Tsukki! But anyway, I think it should be better fo you to take a bath now, if you don't want to get a cold I mean" Kuroo started to lead the way to the bathroom until something *clicked* on Tsukishima's mind.

"You called me what?" He said surprised.

"Tsukki? You don't like? It's just that 'Tsukishima' is too long, and 'Tsukki' is short _and_ cute"

"It's nothing really, someone a long time ago called me like that too, so I just got a little surprised... But you can call me like this if you want to, I don't mind" Actually he _did_ mind, it made him remember of how things were when he was younger, but he had to be nice to someone who was being so considerate of him, without even knowing him.

"Ok then, Tsukki! Wait here for a moment, I'll pick some clothes for you" Kuroo went to another room, probably his bedroom.

While Tsukishima waited he finally saw 'Momo', it was truly a beautiful cat, it had two big green eyes, and it had white fur, that seemed really soft. It approximated him and started to rub in his leg, he assumed that it wanted to be petted. And he wasn't going to lie, he had a soft spot for cats, so he did as it wished and started to stroke it's head.

"Looks like you two got along well" Kuroo's voice startled Tsukishima that immediately stopped what he was doing. "I didn't mean it was bad, seems like she took a liking to you, she isn't really open to strangers you know? She's really picky when choosing to like or not someone, so I'm happy"

"I guess I'm just lucky then?"

"You can think like this, or you can think like me" Kuroo suggested while he gave Tsukishima some clothes.

"And how do you think?"

"I think she only likes good people, so this proves to me that you're not a criminal" Kuroo grinned.

"I think you trust your cat a little bit too much"

"Well, yes, but until now she never failed, so I'll still trust her" Kuroo stopped to talk for a while, it seemed like he was thinking of what to say next. "Ah, I remembered, I have two questions for you"

"Sure" Tsukishima feared he would ask about his bruises, but he still agreed.

"First, do you want to take a bath? Or only a shower is fine?" Kuroo asked as if it was a really urgent question.

"A shower is great" _I don't even remember how it feels to take a bath anyway,_ it was kind of a depressing thought, but it was true anyway, the last time he bathed was when he still lived with his parents, and in some months it would be 4 years since it.

"Ok, and second question: What kind of food do you usually eat?"

Now that was a difficult question to answer... What food he liked? He always ate what was more cheap, and usually it was a sandwich with almost nothing that he could actually say it was 'delicious' inside.

"We can eat whatever you were going to eat before I arrived here, I don't really care" Tsukishima choose very carefully his answer and was quite satisfied with it.

"Are you really sure?" Kuroo asked cocking his head to his right side.

"Yes, I am"

"Are you really _really_ sure?"

Now that was starting to piss Tsukishima off.

"I already said 'yes' didn't I?" He said in a rude way.

"Alright then! Ah, you don't have to worry Tsukki, the underwear I gave you is new, I bought a bunch last week but still didn't use this one" Kuroo headed to the kitchen and Tsukishima finally went to took a shower.

He wondered if he should take a quick or a long one, but he ended up doing what he was already used to.

His usual cold and quick one.

 

xx

 

Kuroo looked at his kitchen and only after he started to think about everything that happened that night. It was almost unbelievable, he saw the gorgeous blond in a park bench with his face all messed up, and now he was taking a bath at his house. Because of course, Kuroo always brought strangers to his home.

He only got out of his thoughts when he heard the noise of the shower, he had to cook something, quickly and delicious, he was pretty sure he heard Tsukishima's stomach growl once or twice.

He made the basic, omurice was what he thought it would be the best. Because, who didn't like it? It was a classic dish for every Japanese person.

He only started to cook the rice when he heard the shower stopping. _Already?_ He thought, it was way too quick. Kuroo usually took baths of 10 minutes at least, he liked the sensation of the water running down his body, specially if it was warm. He looked at the clock, its wasn't even 3 minutes since the noise of the shower started.

But well, he wasn't going to say anything, if Tsukishima liked quick baths, who was him to judge or say something? Not much time later he heard the door opening.

"Thank you very much for the shower Kuroo-san, I'm really sorry for the trouble" he saw Tsukishima bowing his head, and honestly he didn't like that very much.

"You don't need to thank me nor to apologize Tsukki, and no need to be so formal too" Kuroo smiled toward Tsukishima to reassure him, and it was when he noticed.

His clothes were way too large for Tsukishima. But not only a little bit, like a whole lot. Which was really strange considering Tsukishima was taller than himself, sure he knew the blonde was thinner than him, but still.

He too noticed that Tsukishima's face was much better now, it didn't have any blood left, but you still could see the bruises all over his face.

They spent some time alone until Kuroo remembered.

"Hey Tsukki, you can put your clothes on the dryer, they got a little wet because of the snow right?"

"Thank you..." Tsukishima quietly said while he put his clothes to dry, they weren't really wet, since the snow was light, but they were freezing. I took a while until he recognized what he had to press so it would work. He wasn't used to it after all.

Kuroo finally started to fry the eggs, and in no much time everything was done.

"Tsukki! You can sit now, food's ready!" Kuroo knew he was being too informal, but he wanted Tsukishima to feel comfortable next to him.

Tsukishima sat in one of the chairs of a small table, it only had space for four people. Kuroo sat in a chair exactly on Tsukishima's front.

"Here's my specialty, omurice! Do you like?" Kuroo asked anxiously.

"It's been a long time since I last ate one... But I like it" Tsukishima said with a little flush on his cheeks.

"That's great! Thank you for the meal" Kuroo said animated and started to dig in his food right away.

"Thank you for the meal" Tsukishima however, said it in a much lower tone.

They both started to eat, and it seemed that none of them had something to say, so the both spent the time eating in a weird silence.

"That was delicious" Kuroo declared when he finished eating.

"This is true" Tsukishima agreed to Kuroo's surprise.

Kuroo's plate was almost clean, while Tsukishima still had half of his omurice on the plate.

"Kuroo-san? I already finished eating... I think you did a little bit too much for me, since I don't eat much"

Kuroo first thought was that Tsukishima was crazy, Kuroo himself was still hungry even after finishing all his plate, how could Tsukishima feel full with so little food? Kuroo knew something wasn't right. But he decided to not say anything.

"I'll take care of the dishes, you can rest now Kuroo-san" Tsukishima grabbed Kuroo's plate and that's when Kuroo decided to not stay quiet. Because something was definitely weirs, he could assure after seeing Tsukishima's wrist.

"Tsukishima"

The serious tone of Kuroo's voice was scary, Tsukishima didn't like it a bit.

"I want you to take your shirt off for a moment, I won't touch you I promise" Kuroo's voice was gentle, but still serious.

_Shit_

Tsukishima knew what Kuroo wanted to see, and he felt chills in his spine. His mind were cursing the moment he agreed in entering this house. Tsukishima started to think of a way so that he wouldn't need to do it, but he knew it was useless. Kuroo made it clear that he wouldn't back off his decision.

After putting the plates in the sink, Tsukishima stayed with his back turned to Kuroo, embarrassed. And slowly he started to pull Kuroo's way too big shirt off.

Kuroo's eyes widened with the sight. "Tsukki... Please let me see the front too..."

Tsukishima faced Kuroo, with his face lowered, he couldn't stand seeing the look on Kuroo's face.

What Kuroo saw was something he could say it was hell. Tsukishima's body was nothing he thought it would be.

First of all, Tsukishima was thin, but not a normal thin, you could actually see his bones almost clearly. It wasn't obvious when using clothes, but now he could see it. Tsukishima was thin in a sick way, it made Kuroo nauseous.

Unfortunately, it wasn't everything too. Kuroo could see bruises, but nothing like the ones in his face, they were darker, and had a lot more. You could even see a scar on Tsukishima's belly, meaning this mistreatment had been going for awhile already.

Kuroo felt like throwing up because of the sight, but he knew he would not do such a thing, specially because it would be extremely rude to Tsukishima, who was suffering all this.

He noticed Tsukishima's head was looking at his own feet, probably ashamed.

"You can put the shirt on..." It didn't took 3 seconds until the shirt was properly hiding everything, no wonder why it was abnormally big.

"Tsukki... I'm really sorry... I don't even know what to say, but I want you to answer me honestly ok?" Tsukishima's head nodded and Kuroo could notice his eyes were in tears.

"We can sit on the couch first, I think ti will be better..." Kuroo gently grabbed Tsukishima's hand and both man sat.

"Before this meal now, when was the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday... At lunch..."

" _What_ did you ate?" Kuroo hadn't liked Tsukishima's previous answer and he knew he wouldn't like this.

"A sandwich and a glass of juice..." Each answer Tsukishima talked lower, as if he was ashamed of every word that came out of his mouth.

Kuroo too was starting to get angry, he didn't know why, but he was.

"Tsukki, are you anorexic?" If Tsukishima said 'yes' things would get difficult, but if he said 'o'then things would be even more difficult.

"I'm not anorexic..." Tears started to roll from Tsukishima's eyes, and this honestly broke Kuroo's heart.

"Why were you in that park?"

"The person that lives with me didn't want me at home today, they had guest and didn't want me to bother" It was true, but Tsukishima hided some things.

"Is this person the one who made all of these things to you?" Kuroo was frustrated, because of himself who couldn't do anything, and because of everything that was happening to Tsukishima.

Tsukishima didn't answer.

"Tsukki, please..." It was almost as if Kuroo was begging.

"Yes..." Now he really broke on tears. Kuroo could hear the suffering on Tsukishima's voice. He cried and cried, but Kuroo didn't have the guts to hug and comfort him.

Since the bruises were so dark, he assumed a women wouldn't have such strength to make it, especially on a tall guy like Tsukishima.

"Is he your friend? Roommate?"

"Lover" He almost didn't say it, the hiccups were too strong.

Kuroo couldn't stand it anymore, he grabbed Tsukishima and gave him a tight hug, he still took care because Tsukishima's body seemed like he was made of glass and was going to break if he used much force.

He started to pat Tsukishima's head, and the sobs slowly started to disappear. He noticed that the blond had actually fallen asleep. It probably was a tiring day to him.

He carried Tsukki to his own bedroom and let him sleep there.

 

Kuroo had already made a decision, he definitely wouldn't let Tsukishima in that situation.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my notes are getting smaller but anyway, thank you LittleVoid for commenting last chapter, I'm really grateful!
> 
> See you all next chapter~


	4. Shampoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! So... I know I'm really really late, but last week was my test and my birthday, so things got really busy! I know too that this is a short chapter, but soon things should go back to normal.
> 
> Anyway enjoy~~

 

When Tsukishima woke up, the first thing he did was to examine where he was. First of all, he wasn't in his room, and second, he couldn't feel the warm body of his boyfriend on his side, and that was a little bit strange for him since he was used to waking up with some warmth in his back.

He slowly got up from the bed, remembering everything that happened in the previous night. His vision got a little dark when he got up, low pressure, so he used one of his hands to support himself on the wall. 

Tsukishima silently got out of the room and saw that it wasn't even 7 AM, looking at the living room he saw Kuroo, sleeping soundly on the couch. He then decided that it would be better to go home while Kuroo was sleeping, he didn't want to cause even more trouble to the kind man. But first, he had to go to the restroom.

He cleaned his face, trying to make it a little bit better. He was still in his pajamas, he went out of his house in a hurry so he just got a thin coat. He didn't want to see Yuuji hugging someone else when he arrived home, but he guessed that his companion would already be gone.

When he tried to open the front door, he only heard that 'just woke up' voice.

"Don't even try to go home like this" Kuroo said, yawning after. "Don't try to apologize either".

"Ok" Defeated, Tsukishima didn't know what to say besides agreeing with him.

"What do you like to eat for breakfast?" The black-haired man said while looking at his fridge, analyzing what they had to eat.

"I don't usually eat in the morning, actually" Tsukishima said while looking at his own feet, again ashamed.

"Is that so? You're gonna change this bad habit then" 

It looked like Kuroo had finally decided what he was going to make for both of them. While he prepared some coffee, he decided that he should make a conversation.

"So... Tsukki, how much do you weight?" He knew it was a rude question, but he had to know this. 

"Do I really need to answer this?" Tsukishima didn't want to say it, he knew that his body was weird, and he didn't want to gross Kuroo out even more. 

"Yes, you need" Kuroo actually hated to be bossy, but given the situation, he couldn't help but be a little bit rude to Tsukishima sometimes.

"50 Kilograms, this was 3 months ago, when I last weighed myself" He hated that other people knew about his weight, he was ashamed of it, he knew it wasn't healthy, he knew it was disgusting, but he had no other choice.

Kuroo put the plates on the table and together with it, coffee and pancakes. 

"Pancakes are my specialty so I hope you enjoy it" A big smile appeared on Kuroo's face, like how adults smile when they want children to eat vegetables.

They both started to eat silently until Tsukishima couldn't eat anymore, and he didn't even finish one pancake, considering Kuroo made four, he should have eaten at least 2, but his stomach wouldn't stand it.

"Kuroo-san, I'm deeply grateful for everything you did for me, but I think it's time for me to go back home, soon I'll have to work." Tsukishima started to clean his dishes, and after finishing it he put his thin coat. "What can I do so I can repay you?" 

"You can do one thing actually, we're going to have lunch at least once a week, and I'll be monitoring what you're eating. Our first step is that you reach 60kg." Kuroo grinned "And you can't refuse, think of this as a payment for using my shower and eating my food."

Tsukishima was speechless, he couldn't imagine that this would be a way of payment, he wanted to refuse, but he too knew that he couldn't. "I don't know when I'll reach this weight though, I don't have a weighing machine".

Everything Tsukishima saw was an even bigger grin on Kuroo's face.

"Well, you don't have to worry. I have one."

 

 

xx

 

 

The first thing Tsukishima did after eating was weighing himself in Kuroo's weighing machine. It's not like he wanted to do it, but it was Kuroo's order.

Tsukishima didn't know why, but he always followed what Kuroo said, he usually hated being ordered by someone who wasn't Yuuji but he too didn't hate being by Kuroo.

Especially because he knew Kuroo just wanted him to be healthy.

When he looked down he saw the number. 46 Kilos.

He had lost 4 kilos in three months, and honestly, he wasn't happy with it. Not even a bit. When he went back to the kitchen he saw Kuroo looking at him, waiting for an answer.

"Then? How much?" Kuroo asked.

"46 Kilos..." Tsukishima said again ashamed.

He was starting to get irritated with himself, he didn't like to feel so vulnerable, and that was everything he felt the entire time he was with Kuroo. 

"Anyway Kuroo-san, I should really go home now, I have to change and soon I have to work" Tsukishima grabbed his coat and headed to the door.

"Ok, but first can you tell me your number?" Kuroo asked while he grabbed his own phone "We have to maintain contact so we can have lunch together right? Don't think I forgot about it."

 

 

 xx

 

 

After Tsukishima went home, Kuroo couldn't feel more shitty. He hated being bossy, and everything he did all the time was giving orders to Tsukishima.

While he thought about everything that happened he couldn't help but think that Tsukishima should just break up with that horrible guy, Kuroo actually thought that if he saw the guy he would himself punch him.

Kuroo once met an anorexic person, it got him a while but eventually, he started to be healthy again. But that wasn't Tsukishima's case, he believed it was even more difficult.

Tsukishima was an architect, he should have a reasonably good salary. So why did he eat so little when he had the money to and wasn't that thin because he wanted to.

He knew he had to make Tsukishima gain some weigh, but it had to be healthy, just shoving hamburgers down his throat wouldn't resolve anything.

While he was lost in his thoughts he noticed that he had to go to work, he put a black t-shirt and jeans pants. When he looked at his phone that he noticed. _Shit_. It was Saturday. Meaning he didn't have work.

He quickly called Tsukishima, remembering that the man had forgotten about it.

" _Hello?_ " He could hear Tsukishima's voice on the other side.

"Ah, hey Tsukki! So I just wanted to remind you that is Saturday today, so you don't have to work right?" 

" _Kuroo-san?_ "

Kuroo the remembered that his number must have been shown as an unknown number.

"Ah yes, it's me" He answered, "Have you arrived home?"

" _Not yet, my house was quite far from that park, I just like that place_ "

"I see... Anyway, we will talk later, when is a good day to have lunch together?" Kuroo knew he was being insistent, almost to the point of being annoying, but he also knew that if he didn't do it Tsukishima would easily forget about it.

Or at least, pretend he forgot.

" _Any day besides Friday is good, it is quite a busy day for me_ "

"Gotcha, talk to you later then Tsukki" Kuroo hang up the call and changed once again, he wasn't really in the mood to stay in his house using jeans, instead he changed to more comfortable sweatpants.

He decided to do what he more liked to do on Saturdays, he grabbed his MacBook and searched for something new to see on Crunchyroll. He chuckled to himself.

God, he was such a _nerd_.

 

 

xx

 

 

When Tsukishima finally arrived home he stopped in front of his door. He was afraid of what he could see inside, he did not want to see Yuuji hugging someone else.

He knew that he would probably smell the scent of recent sex, but this he was already used. But the sight was something he couldn't stand.

He gently opened the door, taking care to not make any noise. He sighed in relief.

There was no one else than Yuuji in that house, sure he could smell the scent, but no one was there, and this made him relax a little bit. He too noticed that his blood was still on the floor, he felt the urge to clean it, but he couldn't do any noise.

Instead, he sneaked into his bed, feeling the warm body of Yuuji against his cold one.

That was happiness, he was sure of this.

He had to.

 

 

xx

 

 

Tsukishima woke up again when he felt that Yuuji had gotten up from the bed. He was never careful when the subject was noise, he didn't care if Tsukishima would wake up or not.

"Do you want me to make breakfast for you?" Tsukishima asked gently.

"Only coffee, I don't want to eat anything right now" Yuuji put a hand on his forehead, probably from having a hangover.

"Ok" Tsukishima got up too and started to make coffee.

"What smell is this?" Yuuji asked.

"What smell?" Tsukishima said clearly confused.

He didn't have much time to think when he felt his shirt being pulled, hurting his neck.

"This one" Yuuji started to smell Tsukishima's hair, "So you went to another guy's place huh? Your shampoo is different."

Tsukishima panicked, he knew good things wouldn't happen. But one thing he knew for sure, he must not answer him, it would only make him even madder.

"So there is someone who is still willing to fuck a dead person" He laughed, "Because you know? Your body is really ugly, only bones, looks like a dead person"

"Or maybe it was because I'm not giving you attention anymore? So you went to another guy's to fuck you? I know you're a little bitch, you like it rough right?"

Tsukishima knew he couldn't let things this way. "I didn't do anything" He said almost whispering, his shirt was pressing against his neck, making it difficult to breathe.

"Oh, is that so?" A creepy laugh was what Tsukishima could hear, "Should we check it then? It's great, that little bitch from yesterday just wanted one round, I wasn't satisfied at all."

Tsukishima could hear his heart beating even faster, _no_ , He thought.

 

_Kuroo-san_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much Unchain_My_Melody, Aholey_66, and Suikaaaaa for your comments last chapter!
> 
> See you next chapter!


	5. Beer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! so... I was really, really dissatisfied with last chapter. And I'm too with this one, but this is what I could write :/ I'm really sorry everyone. (Kuroo and Tsukishima don't meet in this chapter by the way...)
> 
> Even so, I hope that you enjoy even if it is a little bit~

 

 

“Ah, that was good” Kuroo told himself after finishing a random anime. Thankfully, much better than he thought it would be. He got up from his couch and started to think what he should do now that his Saturday was almost ending. He wasn’t hungry because he did eat a lot of popcorn.

He had to be thankful that he did some exercises because if not, he probably would be a little fat. He did volleyball when he was at high school and college, so he had some muscles he could show off.

After thinking for a while he finally decided what to do. Call Bokuto always was a good idea.

_“Hey, Kuroo!”_ Kuroo could already hear the loud voice of Bokuto.

“Hey Bo, so what are you doing now?” Kuroo was bored, and he hoped Bokuto was too, so he could suggest them to go drinking or something.

_“Ah, I’m walking now”_

“Oh, where are you going?” Kuroo kind of knew the answer, but he still wanted Bokuto to say it himself.

_“You already know where! Stop messing with me”_ You could hear the frustration on Bokuto’s voice, but Kuroo wasn’t going to give up just because of this.

“No… I don’t know… Why don’t you tell me?”

_“I’m going to buy a cake…”_ Bokuto said obviously flustered.

“Oh, you’re really going to Akaashi’s everyday huh?”

_“Shut up!”_

“Ok, ok… So can you buy two pieces? Ah, and beer too. What about coming here?”

_“Right! How much are you gonna drink tonight? A lot? Just a bit?”_

Kuroo thought a little before giving the answer.

“I’m feeling like a lot tonight”

  

xx

 

After woking up, Tsukishima looked at the clock on his side. It was almost 5 PM. Yuuji wasn’t on his side, probably went somewhere to drink. When Tsukishima tried to get up from the bed he almost fell.

His legs were weak, almost couldn’t endure staying stand. He had to put one hand on the wall so he wouldn’t fall. He felt gross, he could feel his body all sticky. Those were times when he really felt like having a bath, but for now, he would stick with a shower.

After cleaning himself, he remembered about the blood on the floor. The first thing he did after the bath was to clean the house. He started with the blood stain that was pissing him off, thankfully it wasn’t difficult to clean.

He changed the bed sheets and started to wash the clothes. When he finished everything, it was already late. And he finally let himself relax a little.

He grabbed his phone, it wasn’t anything really good, it was one of the cheapest smartphones you could find, he saved money for a long time so he could buy it. His boyfriend had an iPhone, he couldn’t remember the version, but he knew it was one of the newest.

He didn’t think it was unfair. True, Yuuji didn’t work, so who had to support all expenses was Tsukishima. But he too didn’t have anything to complain about. It’s true that he didn’t eat so he could give more money to Yuuji. But he felt happy knowing that this money was going to be used for Yuuji’s own happiness.

It’s how they say right? Feeling happy for seeing the person you love happy?

And about being hit… Yeah it hurt, Tsukishima couldn’t lie about this, but he knew that inside, Yuuji was actually a really nice person, it’s just that some things happened in Yuuji’s life that made him a little unstable. Tsukishima had seen all that happening, he knew the hell it was for Yuuji.

He looked at a photo, it was from when he was 19, Yuuji was 21 at that time. They were hugging each other, both of them smiling.

Tsukishima remembered this day as if it was yesterday. It was the day when they were making 2 years of dating. They went to an amusement park, not really Tsukishima’s style of date, but it was Yuuji’s so he didn’t care.

He was really surprised when at the end of the day Yuuji gave him a promise ring.

He always used his ring in a necklace, using it in his hand would be a little strange, because people would start to ask about it, but he too didn’t want to not use it. It was one of the most precious memories of him.

He went to the bed, opened the PDF file where it was the book he was reading, his weekends were always like this. He, his books, and his bed. He would spend two entire days like this. His house didn’t have internet, nor it had a television, so reading was the only thing that he could do to pass the time.

  

xx

 

After waiting some time, Kuroo finally heard his phone ringing again.

“Kuroo, open the door please” Bokuto said with a pained voice.

And that was what Kuroo did. When he opened the door he understood why he Bou had such a pained voice.

“Woah Bo, you really did buy a lot of beer"

“Help me here please!”

Kuroo took them and started to put in the fridge.

“Ah, I thought I wouldn’t do it… I didn’t think it would be so hard to bring a cake and beer together” Bokuto started complaining.

“Well, good work then…”

Bokuto had already opened a beer.

“So… What do you want to talk about Kuroo?” Bokuto asked him with a puzzled expression.

“Huh? What do you mean? Nothing special. Can’t I ask a friend to drink together now?” Kuroo said too opening a beer and sitting on a chair, being face to face with Bokuto.

“Well, you can, actually I think we hang out to drink almost every weekend, it’s just that your face is kind of strange”

Kuroo sighed. Sometimes he didn’t like that Bokuto knew him so well, it meant that he almost never could keep a secret for him.

“It was nothing, actually. It’s just that a weird thing happened yesterday”

“Oh… And you’re gonna tell me what it was, right?”

“Are you forcing me to say it? What a bad friend Bo” Of course Kuroo was only kidding, Bokuto is one of the best friends someone could find. It’s just that he didn’t really want to talk about someone like Tsukishima, with so many difficult things going on, without their permission.

“Hey! I know you don’t really mean it!”

They spent some time in silence.

“But well… If you don’t really want to say what it is, I’m not gonna force you…”

Kuroo sighed, Bokuto in dejected mode was a pain to deal with.

“Ok, ok… I’ll tell you, but you have to promise me to not talk about this with anyone”

“Right! I don’t really have anyone to talk about this too, you know that I only hang out with you” Bokuto seemed to other people as someone with lots of friends, and that was half true, while he did know many people, he wasn’t really close of them. Kuroo was an exception though.

While Kuroo wanted to tell Bokuto all the truth, he knew he couldn’t, so he decided to hide some things of him. He didn’t like to hide things from his best friend, but he too has the decency to know that he shouldn’t tell other’s people secrets.

“So… Remember that I went to that meeting?”

“Yeah?” Bokuto looked at him confused.

“So, there I met the guy that did the building project”

“Well, that’s kind of normal you know? You thought this was strange?” Bokuto was even more confused.

“No, not this. So yesterday I was on my way to home, and I passed in that park that I like. Guess who I found there?”

“That guy from the meeting?”

“Yes, him. He was with his face all messed up. I bought him a can of coffee because he seemed like if he was cold, yesterday was freezing, and he was with thin clothes”  Bokuto now was with a puzzled expression which Kuroo couldn’t identify what he was thinking.

“Then, what happened?”

“He was freezing obviously, so I offered him my coat, but he refused… But I kind of brought him to my home?” Now thinking about it, it was kind of an absurd thing to do, bring a strange home wasn’t really safe, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do.

“You what?”

“I brought him to my house…”

“You know this is dangerous right?” Bokuto started to almost yell.

“Well, if you saw Akaashi freezing somewhere wouldn’t you do the same thing?” Kuroo felt a little irritated, Bokuto was almost giving him a lecture and he didn’t like it.

“The difference is that I like Akaashi, I know where he works and that he’s a good person”

“I know where Tsukki works too!” Shit. Kuroo unintentionally said Tsukishima’s name.

“Tsukki?” Bokuto asked, even though he himself realized who he was. “Anyway, and you can prove me he is a good person?”

Actually, Kuroo could. But if he did, he would have to say things that he couldn’t.

“Well… Momo liked him, she even asked to be petted” Kuroo said like this was one of the hardest things to happen.

“Really?” Now Bokuto was yelling, “It even took her a while until she could feel comfortable with me!”

Now Bokuto seemed sad because Kuroo’s cat didn’t trust him at first sight. But convinced enough that Tsukishima was a good person.

“Anyway, he took a shower, we ate and he spent the night here. That’s all that happened” Kuroo was already regretting telling this things to Bokuto, but since he didn’t say anything private, it should be fine.

“He spent the night here?” Now Bokuto looked at him with a malicious face.

“Idiot! He slept in my bed, and I slept on the couch”

“How boring… But anyway what’s his name? ‘Tsukki’ doesn’t really seem like a name, more a nickname you gave him” And of course Bokuto was right.

“Tsukishima, that’s his name”

“Come on Kuroo! I know you know all his name” Bokuto was really insistent in this.

“Tsukishima Kei, satisfied now?” Kuroo could see the grin forming on Bokuto’s face.

Bokuto grabbed his phone and started typing something.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Bokuto didn’t answer, “Bo?”

“I’m searching his name obviously! He must have a twitter, Instagram, Facebook, whatever”

Kuroo knew he couldn’t change Bokuto’s mind, so he just waited. Some time passed until Bokuto spoke again.

“Hey Kuroo, this person is one of those old-fashioned people that doesn’t like to use the internet?”

“I don’t know, why?”

“Well, he doesn’t have any social media…” Bokuto frowned, “Ah, but I found an article with his name on it! It’s old though…”

This kind of caught Kuroo’s interest.

“Oh, what it talks about?”

“It’s from 7 years ago, it talks about a volleyball team named ‘Karasuno’ going to the nationals. Ah! It has some pictures. ‘Tsukishima Kei, number 11’” After some more time without both of them not talking, Bokuto finally spoke.

“Ah, I found a picture of the number 11! Hey, Kuroo is this him?” Bokuto said hanging Kuroo his phone.

Kuroo looked at the picture. He was younger, and he wasn’t so thin. But above all that, there he was.

Smiling.

Tsukishima didn’t seem like the type of person who smiled a lot, but this one smile looked so ‘real’, Kuroo couldn’t even put in words his thoughts. Next to him, there was someone hugging him, a lot shorter, and with some freckles, he too was smiling.

Without realizing, Kuroo spent quite a long time looking at the photo.

“So? It is him or not?” Bokuto seemed impatient.

“He’s definitely younger here, but yes, it is him” Kuroo handed the phone back to Bokuto.

“Woah, he’s tall! He’s probably more nowadays, but here it says he's 188cm tall!”

"Ah yes, he’s really tall. He probably passes 190cm now”

“So? What are you going to do now?” Bokuto asked.

“Do what?” Kuroo answered confused

“Ah! Don’t play dumb with me Kuroo! He’s obviously a beauty, and for me, you look really interested in him!” Bokuto accused him.

“Hah? What kind of manga are you reading, you idiot? I’m not interested in him, you know I’m not like this”

“You know what Kuroo? I think this all happened because you made me look an idiot when I said I have a crush on Akaashi! I told you were going to fall in love when you less expect!” Kuroo rolled his eyes.

“I told you… I’m not interested or in love with him! Why is that so difficult to enter in your head?” Kuroo felt irritated, he would never fall in love again, and Bokuto forcing this kind of feelings in him made him angry.

“Ok, ok… If you say it, I’m not going to force you. but when you realize it, don’t come to me saying that you don’t know what to do” Bokuto sighed.

“Like I said, I’m not and I’m not going to be in love with him, and he has a lover, so don’t say shit like that”

“Well, so that sucks for you bro” Bokuto looked at him with pity.

“Just drink your damn beer!”

  

xx

 

It was already Monday, meaning he had to work.

Tsukishima slowly got out of bed, trying to not make any noise. He didn’t saw Yuuji all weekend besides Saturday morning, but he could feel his warmth on his back. He put his uniform and went to his work.

Now thinking about everything that happened, everything seemed like it was only a dream because no matter how much he thought about it, it was an absurd everything that happened.

He entered the company, and as usual, he heard one of the concierges greeting him “Good morning, Tsukishima-san”.

“Good morning Ito-san” Ito was a gentle woman that sometimes would bring him a cup of coffee, she didn’t work all day since she was still a college student.

He headed to his desk, there he saw that he had to work on a new project, this time smaller. Just a project for a small shop. When he was already paying too much attention to his work that he didn’t pay any to his surroundings, he shocked when he heard his phone ringing.

“Hello?”

_“Ah, hey Tsukki! It’s me Kuroo!”_

Tsukishima stopped to breath, he wasn’t expecting Kuroo to call.

“Hello Kuroo-san, what would you want?” Tsukishima knew he was being too formal, but he couldn’t help it.

_“Ah, are you free tomorrow? What about we eat together? I know a restaurant really good!”_

Tsukishima knew he couldn’t refuse, as Kuroo said, it was to repay him, for using his bath and eating his food.

“It’s alright for me”

_“Ok! See you tomorrow then! I’ll go to your work so you don’t have to worry about not finding me! Bye Tsukki!”_

The call ended.

And now he had to eat with Kuroo Tetsurou.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much Aguma, Suikaaaaa, and Aholey_66 for your comments last chapter! I really appreciate them!
> 
> See you next chapter~


	6. Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know I'm pretty late, but I hope you will like it :)
> 
> Also, I'm dissatisfied with my way of writing, what do you all think I could do better?
> 
> Edit: I just noticed I forgot to put the title of this chapter haha...

As much as Tsukishima avoided, Thursday definitely came and with that, the sound of his phone ringing.

“Hello, Tsukki?” It was definitely Kuroo’s voice.

“Hello, Kuroo-san” Tsukishima answered with his usual monotone voice.

“So… What time are you free to have lunch?”

“After 11:30 AM I’m free, I have one hour and a half of lunch time” Tsukishima could have lied, said that he only had an hour, that way he would spend less time with Kuroo, but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to lie like that.

“Oh! That’s great! Ok then, see you soon Tsukki!”

 

xx

 

Time flied for Kuroo, when he first saw the hour it was 9 AM, now it was almost 11:15 AM. Meaning he had to head toward Tsukishima’s work place. Unlike Tsukishima, he only had an hour of lunch so he properly went to talk with his boss if he could have some more time.

“You what?” She looked at him like if he was saying something absurd.

“I want some more time of lunch, please? It’s only today” Kuroo had to remind himself that they were going to eat at least once a week, so no, this wouldn’t be the only time.

“I don’t know why you want this, but ok. Only for today though, and you’ll have to work overtime to compensate the lost time” She looked stressed, so he quickly finished that conversation.

“Thank you very much, I’ll be going” 

And he went. He started to remember the way to Tsukishima’s work and not much time later he arrived. He didn’t know if Tsukishima’s work let the employees take private class while working, so he decided it would be best to talk to one of the concierges.

“Uhmn, sorry for bothering, but could you call Tsukishima Kei-san and tell that Kuroo Tetsurou is waiting for him?” He looked at one young girl that quickly started to call Tsukishima.

“Just a moment please,” She said softly. “Tsukishima-san? Someone called Kuroo Tetsurou is here for you”

Kuroo obviously couldn’t hear what Tsukishima was saying.

“Yes, of course. No, there’s no problem at all, don’t worry” A small smile appeared on the girl’s face while she talked, “Ok, then. Bye Tsukishima-san”

She hung up the telephone and looked at Kuroo.

“He said he’s already coming” She smiled politely.

“Thank you for calling him” Kuroo naturally thanked her.

“Ah, the next time you can just call his cellphone, there’s no problem here with attending personal calls” Again she was smiling, “Actually, I’m just a little relived to see that Tsukishima-san has friends, it’s the first time I see someone wanting to talk with him” 

Kuroo wanted to be shocked, but he wasn’t. It pained him, but he knew Tsukishima probably was always alone. Not much time later, Tsukishima arrived.

“Hello Kuroo-san”

“Hey, Tsukki! Let’s go?” Kuroo could swear he saw Tsukishima sighing.

“Yes”

Now in their way to the restaurant that Kuroo noticed how heavy was the mood, he didn’t know what to say, and Tsukishima seemed awfully tired. Thankfully not much time later, he arrived in his desired place.

“There it is! What do you think about eating a really delicious sushi?” Kuroo said animated, he really loved that restaurant.

But he wasn’t prepared to see that expression on Tsukishima’s face. He looked shocked.

“What’s wrong Tsukki? Do you don't like sushi?” Kuroo said a little worried.

“No, it’s not that… It’s just that this restaurant is really expensive you know?” Tsukishima said looking at the entrance door.

“Well, I’m paying everything so you shouldn’t worry” 

“No, no… That’s the problem, I can’t let you pay it for me” Kei looked at him with a worried face.

“I don’t know if you know, but I just finished a really big project, so I have money to pay for this. And, it was me who invited you, actually forced, but we don’t talk about it, so it’s just natural that I got to pay” 

“But-“ Tsukishima couldn’t finish his sentence because Kuroo interrupted him.

“No ‘buts’, if you refuse, it’s gonna be me who is hurt” Kuroo could clearly see Tsukishima’s face becoming more and more annoyed, but he seemed to agree and just followed him.

 

xx

 

Tsukishima wished he could deny it, but yes. The sushi was delicious, it was quite some time since he last ate it. But he started to feel annoyed when he noticed Kuroo was staring at him.

“What?”

“Nothing, actually. It’s just that you ate too little, since is me who’s paying, I’m going to say that you have to eat at least four more”

“Ha?” Tsukishima stared at Kuroo.

“What? So what kind of sushi you like? I’m gonna grab for you”

“I don’t want you to grab it for me, I’m full already, I can’t eat four more” Kuroo stopped and thought for a while until he replied again.

“I’m going to take more three for you, what I like now, you lost your chance to choose,” Kuroo said with a bright smile, and heading to grab some more.

After a while, he was back, with more 6 sushis.

“Those three are for you, and this three are for me” Tsukishima didn’t want to admit, but yes, Kuroo’s smile was so bright that he couldn’t even look at him without averting his gaze.

“You know you don’t need to do all this…” Tsukishima said.

“I know” Once more Tsukishima saw Kuroo’s smile, “But I want to”.

And that’s what Tsukishima couldn’t understand, Kuroo didn’t have any reason to do this, so why was he doing it?

“Why?”

“That’s quite a difficult question…” Kuroo said while rubbing his hair, “I don’t know too, it’s just that it seems like the right thing to do”

Of course, Tsukishima didn’t understand, but he too wouldn’t want to bother again with the same question.

“Anyway, we still have forty minutes, what do you want to talk?” Kuroo suggested

“Talk?” Tsukishima didn’t really have anything to say, he was quite a boring person, after all, nothing exciting in his life happening.

“Yeah, like we could know each other better, I don’t know almost nothing about you!” 

Much more than I wanted you to know, Tsukishima thought. 

“Ah, I know a pastry shop near him that is delicious, we can talk while we go there!”

Kuroo then got up and went to pay for both of them. Not letting Tsukishima know how much the bill was, he didn’t want Tsukishima feel obligated to repay him or anything like that. After paying, they headed to the pastry shop.

“Is your stomach a black hole? How can you eat more?” Tsukishima asked.

“No, no. Mine’s normal, it’s true that I eat a little bit more than some people, but it’s because I exercise a lot, so I can eat more without feeling guilty”. 

They spent some time without talking until Kuroo got the courage to ask something that was bothering him.

“So… When you arrived home Saturday, was everything ok with your boyfriend?” Actually, Kuroo didn’t want to ask, but he was worried so sooner or later he would have to say it. 

But for Tsukishima that question made him freeze up if he said the truth Kuroo would look at him with those eyes, those pity eyes that Tsukishima couldn’t stand. 

“Everything was ok, you don’t need to worry” Tsukishima lied, and he felt guilty to do it, but he couldn’t say that he was violated by his own boyfriend.

“Just so you know… I know you just lied to me” Kuroo looked at Tsukishima with worried eyes, “But I won’t force you to say it, if one day you want to talk about it, I’m here for you ok?”

Tsukishima felt warm, such warmth he didn’t felt in years. He didn’t know what was happening, but he knew he liked this. Yuuji and Kuroo had different effects on Tsukishima, while Yuuji’s warmth was one that made him hot when he felt it in his back when they were both in bed, Kuroo’s warmth was one that made all his body suddenly feel hot, much more overwhelming and came only from words. Tsukishima was confused, and he didn’t like it, but he too didn’t want to distance himself from Kuroo.

“We’re here! Welcome to one of the best pastries shops of our city! If you ask one friend of mine, he would say this is the best of the world, he’s a little biased though”.

When they entered, they heard the soft voice of the attendant girl, “Welcome”.

It wasn’t anything big, it had 5 tables and only one attendant could handle everything. But even if it was small, it had a cozy feeling. The decoration was in lilac and white, with blankets in all chairs, if it was cold. 

“Hey, sit there, I’ll choose something to eat, do you want something?” Kuroo could swear he saw a small blush on Tsukishima’s face, but he though he was imagining things.

“Then… A Strawberry Shortcake” Tsukishima’s face went a tone darker and Kuroo couldn’t help but think cute.

Kuroo went to ask the girl and mentally slapped himself. He couldn’t think Tsukishima was cute, no way. 

Not much time longer, the girl whose name seemed to be Yoshida, brought them two cups of coffee and their cakes.

“Thank you,” Tsukishima said politely.

After the girl went back to the cashier, Tsukishima started to eat. Kuroo started to look at him and noticed how happy he seemed to be eating that piece of strawberry shortcake.

“Ah, I think I should apologize to you,” Kuroo said, making Tsukishima look at him confused.

“Why would you apologize?”

“It’s just that Friday I was a little too bossy on you, and I actually don’t like it, so I felt bad for you” Kuroo looked at him own cake, trying to not make eye contact.

“You don’t need to apologize for this, I don’t mind” Tsukishima didn’t know what to say either so he just started to appreciate his coffee and cake.

“Ah, I too wanted to know if next time we can have dinner and not lunch,” Kuroo asked while he took a big sip of his coffee.

“It’s ok, but why?” 

“Ah, actually I went out of my work earlier today because unlike you I don’t have so much time for lunch,” Kuroo said a little bit ashamed.

“You didn’t need to have the trouble to do this for me in first place. Of course next time we can go have dinner.” Tsukishima said while eating another piece of his cake, unconsciously thinking that Kuroo was way too kind, and wondering if it was not a problem on his daily life. 

Of course, Tsukishima didn’t really like to be forced to eat with some guy he doesn’t even know or want to know, but he couldn’t bring himself to refuse Kuroo’s offers because he just seemed so happy when Tsukishima accepted it, and it made Tsukishima’s heart pound a little, it’s been a long time since someone was so happy because of something he did. After finishing their cakes, both man got up. 

“I’m going to pay” Tsukishima announced.

Unfortunately, Kuroo was faster than him, he had already paid when he asked for the cakes. Kuroo only saw Tsukishima three times, but it was enough to catch that he was this kind of person who hated to feel dependent on someone or in debt with them.

“I’m really sorry for you then, I already payed it” A big grin was formed in Kuroo’s face, and Tsukishima felt annoyed. “I’m gonna bring you to your work”

And when Tsukishima arrived his work that he noticed that it all happened too fast, and he couldn’t help himself but think.

 

I wanted more.

 

xx

 

It was Thursday and Tsukishima was heading home, after a long day of work, he really just wanted to sleep in his bed. He started to plan his night only until when he started to open his door, because he heard it. Moans. And not only moans, but a girl’s moan.

Tsukishima hated that his boyfriend slept with others, but he understood because he wasn’t attractive or satisfying enough, it was his own fault. But he specially hated it when it was a girl, because it made him remember of how dirty he himself was. Unlike Yuuji, Tsukishima could only feel attraction towards guys, and Tsukishima was Yuuji’s first boyfriend. 

He remembered as if it was yesterday, when Yuuji’s parents blamed him for turning their son gay. A monster. Tsukishima quickly corrected himself, remembering the scene in his mind. But the main reason he hated when Yuuji stayed with girls, was because Tsukishima was afraid. Afraid of Yuuji noticing that girls were better than him, afraid of Yuuji abandoning him, he couldn’t stand the thought of it. 

Of course Tsukishima wasn’t crazy, he wouldn’t open the door, only if he wanted to be beaten. And he didn’t want to admit it, but he actually thought of doing it, being beaten was better than Yuuji noticing that girl was better than Tsukishima. But he quickly gave up of the idea when he heard Yuuji’s moan. It was soft, but made Tsukishima’s body heat up.

It had been a long time since he had an orgasm. Saturday’s sex was everything but pleasurable, if he had to describe it, it would be as painful. Yuuji’s pleasure was more important than his, so he decided to not interfere.

He came down from the stairs and started to think what should he do.

An idea crossed his mind, he didn’t like it at all, but it was his only option.

 

He called Kuroo.

 

xx

 

“Bokuto, can you shut up for a second?! I need to answer this call!” Kuroo yelled at Bokuto who was obviously drunk in the other side of the table. “Hitoka-chan, can you make him shut up a bit?” He only saw the girl nodding.

 

“Hello?” Kuroo asked.

“Kuroo-san? Where are you now?” When he heard Tsukishima’s voice, his heart almost stopped. He decided to go to his bedroom so he could have more privacy.

“Tsukki? I’m at home, why?” A moment of silence until Tsukishima spoke again.

“Can I… Sleep in your place today?” You could hear in his voice that he was ashamed and that he didn’t want to do this.

“Of course! It’s just that… There are two friends of mine here now… I don’t know, maybe you’ll feel uncomfortable” Kuroo scratched his own hair, in doubt of what to do.

“You don’t have to worry, I’ll be out of your way, your friends will only see me coming” 

“No, that’s not the problem, I don’t care about them, will you be ok?” Kuroo asked more directly this time.

“Ah… Yes, don’t worry about me. Thank you very much Kuroo-san, for everything”

“See you soon Tsukki,” Kuroo said.

“Uhmn… See you soon Kuroo-san” The call ended, and Kuroo headed back to his living room.

“You two, hear me out” Bokuto and Yachi started to pay attention to what Kuroo was saying. 

“Oh, what it is Kuroo?” Bokuto asked.

“Someone is coming over, but he won’t really stay with us. So this is specially for you Bokuto, don’t bother him ok?” Kuroo asked for a confirmation from the drunken boy.

“How boring…” Bokuto started to mutter.

“If you don’t do this, you’ll be paying for all the drinks we had tonight” Kuroo knew this would shut Bokuto’s mouths and he was right, Bokuto only nodded.

After talking some more about random things, and Bokuto’s crush on the pretty patisserie. Yachi never really intrude in the conversation, she would only laugh or nod. Sometimes when she was more drunk, she would speak what was on her minds, and oh, that was fun to see.

Not much time later, Kuroo heard his doorbell. When he opened, it was obviously Tsukishima, with his work clothes.

“Sorry for the bother” That was the first thing Tsukishima said, looking at his feet ashamed.

Bokuto was on his back trying to see who he was after Kuroo got annoyed he yelled.

“Bokuto! You’ll pay everything!” That made Bokuto stay quiet, and he finally could answer Tsukishima, “I already told you to don’t worry, there’s no problem at all, actually, I’m sorry for having this noisy guy here” Kuroo said with a small smile.

Tsukishima didn’t say anything, so Kuroo decided to talk again.

“You can go to my room ok? Have a good night of sleep ok?” Kuroo finally let Tsukishima enter, and when he went to bow quickly to Kuroo’s friends, he thought he was going crazy, because he couldn’t believe what his eyes were showing to him.

“Tsukishima-san?”And oh god, he wasn’t wrong. The soft voice came into his ears, and he felt like crying, hiding, running, everything.

 

“Yachi-san?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! A big thanks to the people who are always commenting this fic TˆT I love you all!
> 
> See you next chapter~


	7. Chocolate and strawberries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy... So I'm really late T^T I'm really sorry, I'll try to be faster 
> 
> This is my first fanfic so I'll ask you guys sometimes if I'm doing everything right, this chapter question is something that is really bugging me: is this fanfic going too fast? I feel like everything is really rushed, but maybe it's just me after all, so what you all think?

"Yachi-san?" Tsukishima didn't want to believe what his eyes were showing him. And he didn't too thought that she was Kuroo's friend.

"Woah! Tsukishima-san it is really you! How have you been?" Yachi looked at him with a big bright smile.

Tsukishima averted his eyes, looking at Kuroo, who seemed really lost.

"I've been well..." He lied, of course he wasn't well, but he couldn't say it.

"Umm... I hate to intrude you two, but you know each other?" Kuroo asked a little confused with the situation.

"Ah, yes. I was the manager of the volleyball club in high school, Tsukishima-san was a member of the club, he played really well!" The smile in Yachi's face didn't drop, it only got wider.

"Oh, the world is really small huh? To have such a coincidence" Someone with a strange spikey hair said. "My name is Bokuto by the way, nice to meet you Tsukki!"

Tsukishima cringed with the nickname, what was with this Bokuto and Kuroo to just put nicknames in people.

"It's been a while since I heard this nickname, do you and Yamaguchi still talk?" Yachi asked him innocently.

"We don't" Tsukishima said looking at his feet.

"I see... Not much time ago we had a party to meet everyone, Yamaguchi went too, he is really different you know? Like more mature?" Yachi tried to find the right words, but couldn't.

"I received the invitation, but I had something to do so I couldn't go" That was another lie, he just didn't want to meet with everyone.

Bokuto and Kuroo looked at the two quiet, they didn't know what to do.

"Uhm... Tsukishima-san?" Yachi said looking at her hands, looking nervous.

"What?" Tsukishima feared what she would say.

"Is brother well?" She looked at him expectantly.

Tsukishima gulped, he didn't know what to answer, he tried to think about something but he couldn't.

"The same as always" he said the truth, and he saw her face slowly turn red, not much time later tears rolled from her eyes.

"What? What is happening?" Bokuto said, clearly confused.

"Bokuto!" Kuroo hissed, he knew something was wrong in this situation, but he couldn’t intrude them.

“You don’t have to cry Yachi-san, this is not your fault” Tsukishima said, being true. It wasn’t Hitoka’s fault that everything was happening like that.

“But I could have stopped mom and dad to divorce!” She said with more tears rolling from her eyes, now talking a little higher.

Tsukishima didn’t know what to do, actually he hated to see people cry, because he knew he never could comfort them enough. But he did what is mind told him to do, it was quite a unusual thing for him to do, but he remembered that it always made Yuuji calm down after he cried. He sat by her side in the couch and hugged her, with all the force he had, it wasn’t much, but it was what he could do.

He saw in the corner of his vision Kuroo and Bokuto leaving, probably trying to give them so privacy, even if it was not really needed.

She eventually stopped to cry, and while still in the hug, she muttered “I’m really sorry Tsukishima-san”.

“I already told you that this is not your fault, idiot” A small smile appeared on her face, she looked at Tsukishima with teary but happy eyes.

Tsukishima then remembered his days on High School, he had gotten closer to Yachi when she started to date Yamaguchi, they seemed like a normal couple, but two months later she broke up with him, saying that she couldn’t lie to herself because she was never attracted to Yamaguchi on a romantic way, or any other guy in this world. The memory of the confused face of Yamaguchi almost made him laugh. Because who would ever guess that the sweet cute child Yachi-san was gay?

“It was me who introduced you and Yuuji-niichan though…” And of course he remembered that day very well, he couldn’t even look into the guy’s eyes without blushing.

And if Tsukishima thought about it, yes, his life would be entirely different by now. He probably wouldn’t have had a fight with his parents, maybe he would have not been starving every day so he could give Yuuji all he wanted. Maybe he would not have some scars in his body. And maybe, just maybe, he could have been feeling alive every day he wakes up.

“What happened, already happened, there’s no way that you or me would have guessed that things would go like this right? And after all, he really made me happy at that time” Tsukishima said with a small smile, while he looked at his most precious ring.

“But that’s the problem Tsukishima-san” She said while she broke off the hug, “This means that he doesn’t make you happy nowadays right?”

Tsukishima wished he could say no to this, but he couldn’t so he just stayed quiet. 

“But anyway, how did you and Kuroo-san know each other?” She asked.

“He offered me a place to sleep when I was at a park…” He said, she looked at him with worried eyes, but decided not to say anything about him being in a park alone at a freezing night.

“That’s really like him to do something like this” She giggled.

“I think we should tell them, that it’s alright to come here” Tsukishima reminded her.

“Right!” She got up from the couch and knocked Kuroo’s bedroom door.

The door slowly opened showing Bokuto’s worried face “Is it already alright for us to go there?” She smiled a bit, nodding her head, making Bokuto’s face light up. He went to the living room and looked at Tsukishima “So you are Tsukki, right?”

“Tsukishima Kei” He answered, wanting that Bokuto just called him Tsukishima instead of Tsukki.

“Nice to meet you Tsukki! I’m Bokuto!” Bokuto showed a bright smile, and Tsukishima wondered if he was this energetic all time or was it the alcohol running on his body.

“I think he gets it Bo” Kuroo finally said something, “So, do you want to eat something? I think there’s pizza in the fridge”

“No, you don’t have to worry. I think I shouldn’t stay here after all, it’s too much abuse of your kindness” Tsukishima fixed his clothes that were wrinkled because of the messy hug.

"And where are you going to sleep then?" Kuroo said blocking the door.

Tsukishima didn't say anything, he was planning on just staying awake in a 24 hour fast food restaurant. He had his cellphone to pass time, and it was definitely warmer inside of a restaurant than it was in the street, everything would be alright, but he knew that if he said that to Kuroo, he wouldn't let him go out. He thought of lying, saying that he would go back home, but he knew that Kuroo wouldn't believe him.

"You don't need to worry, I have other place to sleep in cases like this" He lied, of course he didn't have any other place, he just wanted go out of this place.

"Is that so? If you say, I'm not going to force you" Kuroo knew Tsukishima was lying, but he wouldn't force the guy to stay if he didn't want to be there, he knew how to behave sometimes.

"If you want, Tsukishima-san, you can sleep in my place" Yachi offered. 

"But what about Shimizu-senpai?" Tsukishima asked, Shimizu and Yachi started to date not much time after Yachi broke up with Yamaguchi, breaking the heart of lots of guys that liked Shimizu, especially Tanaka and Nishinoya. 

"Who's Shimizu?" Bokuto asked.

"Ah, it's Yachi's gi-" 

"Shall we go Tsukishima-san?" Tsukishima looked at her confused, the panicked eyes of her probably meant that they didn't know about her being lesbian.

He nodded.

"I'm really sorry for the trouble, see you next week Kuroo-san, it was a pleasure to meet you Bokuto-san" He bowed to both men.

"It was nothing Tsukki, you know you're welcome every time" Kuroo said with a soft smile.

Yachi and Tsukishima went out, and Kuroo and Bokuto were left in the apartment, confused with everything that just happened

 

xx

 

"What the hell just happened?" Bokuto said taking another sip of his beer.

"I don't know bro, don't ask me" Kuroo said, obviously already drunk.

"So pretty Tsukki and cutie Hitoka-chan already knew each other!"

"It looks like it, since High School apparently" He said while opening another bottle of beer.

"They looked really intimate... Aren't you jealous?" Bokuto looked at him.

"Nah... Not really, I already told you that I don't see Tsukki this way" Kuroo wasn't lying, as much as he liked Tsukishima, he didn't see the guy in a romantic way, that would be impossible.

"Let's see how long you'll keep saying it" His friend said with a small smile.

"Shut up Bokuto" Kuroo said feigning irritation.

 

xx

 

The streets were cold, he was with a proper coat, but it didn't prevented the wind from making him feel cold.

Yachi too didn't talk much, just as he remembered, but her tired eyes showed that she wasn't the same person too.

"How's work?" Tsukishima tried starting to make a conversation.

Sure, he wasn't one of the friendliest person in the world, but he wanted to know if the girl was alright. She surely was a great friend for him back in the day.

"I wish I could say it's been well, but things are hard, and mom is really strict, so I have to work hard" a small, tired smile appeared on her face, and Tsukishima could imagine what kind of life the girl was having. When they were in high school, her mom was already someone hard to please, Yachi's grades were better than his, but the woman still wasn't satisfied, he couldn't count how many times Yachi appeared at school with bruises in her face.

He continued to follow the girl, and not much time later they arrived her apartment, it was a quite luxurious building, making him wonder how could she pay for it. After entering in the elevator, she pressed the 16th floor. After entering the apartment everything he could say was "amazing".

"Too big, don't you think?" She smiled at him.

"Ah, I didn't mean it like that" he said while he watched her going to the kitchen.

"I'm going to cook something, what you don't like to eat?" Opening her fridge, she asked.

"You don't have to bother about it, Yachi-san. You're already doing too much for me"

"You can try to fool the world Tsukishima-san, but you know you can't fool me or Yamaguchi. It may had been a while since we met, but I still remember you very well" she said with a little of irritation, but soon changed her posture, smiling at him, "Do you want to take a bath? I think we still have some clothes of Daichi-senpai here..."

"Captain Daichi? Why would he have clothes here?" Tsukishima asked with a frown.

"Ah, he and Suga-senpai are dating right? Some time ago they had a serious argument and basically, Daichi-senpai slept here for almost a week, he ended up lefting some clothes". 

"I'll take a quick shower, thank you very much" he knew she was being too kind, but again she was this way since high school.

He entered the bathroom and started his shower, he noticed that some of his bruises were starting to disappear, the before dark purple bruises, were now light green, almost fading into his light skin. Thankfully the ones in his face already disappeared.

After drying himself, putting the clothes of Sawamura, and he wasn't surprised to see that they were too big for him.

When he got out of the bathroom he noticed the sweet smell of chocolate, God it has been a long time since he ate chocolate, it even made his mouth water.

"Uh... Hi, Tsukishima-san... I know this isn't really the best kind of food but... What about some chocolate? I melted it, and we can eat with grapes, or strawberry! You like strawberries right?" She smiled nervously, afraid that he wouldn't be satisfied.

"It's ok for me, it's been a long time since I ate something like this" he reassured her.

"Oh thanks God... What about watching a Jurassic Park movie? We can talk too" she smiled brightly at him, making he feel both, sad and happy.

He was happy, he was with one of the people who made his days better, she was someone who gave him support, who knew how he was and wasn't offended by his way of talking. And there she was, again taking care and caring about him, and this fact alone made his heart warm up.

But he was sad too, because she looked way too careful around him, like he was made of glass, and he didn't really liked the feeling, he didn't want other people to pity him, he was fine, he wasn't someone to have pity of, there were other people who deserved it better.

She put the pan in their middle and a bow with both grapes and strawberries in their side.

"Think of this as a lazy fundue" she smiled.

"Sure" he said while he started the movie.

They both got quiet, paying attention on the movie. Tsukishima felt the sweet flavour of the chocolate mixed with strawberries melting into his mouth, he enjoyed it more then he remembered, he too tried a grape, but his favorite fruit was still his favorite. 

"Where's Shimizu-senpai" he finally asked making Yachi stop to pay attention on the movie.

"Ah- she's in her parents house, they want her to marry someone since she's on the age to" Yachi replied his questions looking at her own hands, sad eyes were what he could see in her face, she obviously wasn't happy with the situation.

"But... don't they know about you?"

"They know, they just try to ignore it, when someone asks they say I'm only a close friend" now her sad eyes weren't just sad anymore, tears started to roll from them.

"But she loves you, there's no way she's going to marry someone who's not you" he was being sincere, it was true that he wasn't with them these last years, but he still remembered very well how Shimizu would look at Yachi, there were always those eyes, full of love and caring for the younger girl. 

"You know she's daughter of a famous company president, right? That's why she can pay for this kind of apartment alone, it's highly likely that her father will force her to marry since she's the only kid he had, he wants grandsons too, and he isn't really one of the most open-minded people." She explained the situation to him, now both of them not even minding the movie. He didn't know what to say so he tried to say another thing instead of focusing on Shimizu.

"And your mom?" He asked with caution.

"Mom? Well she didn't react well too, she only accepted me because Kiyoko is rich, I’m sure that if I ever break up with her my mom will obligate me to marry someone” Yachi explained to him with a fake smile, “But mom started to be even more rigorous after I told her”

“I see…” Tsukishima knew she already didn’t have a good relationship before, so now it probably is hell for the girl.

“Tsukishima-san…” She started.

“What?” He looked back to her with curious eyes.

“I know this isn’t something easy to speak about, but how is Yuuji-niichan?” Of course she would ask about him, she didn’t see him in what? 4 years? Tsukishima remembered how close they were, suddenly not speaking must have hurt her too much.

“I already told you… He’s the same Yachi-san”

“I know you already told me, but what same? The same he was before my parents divorced? Or the same of when he started to abuse you?” Yuuji had gone through a big change when his parents divorced, he lived with his father, and Yachi with her mother.

“The second one…” 

“Why don’t you break up with him?” She said with a higher tone of voice, “I know he is my brother, but I can’t accept what he has been doing to you!”

Tsukishima stayed in silence, he didn’t want to talk about this, no matter what happened, he would never break up with Yuuji.

“Tsukishima-san!” She insisted.

“He can’t live without me” He said with a sad smile, looking at her eyes, “And I can’t live without him too"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter listening to Hamilton's musical songs btw~ 
> 
> See you all next chapter~


	8. Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahah... This is super late... I don't even know how to apologize
> 
> I guess I'm becoming an expert in making useless chapters by now, it's just that I'm with quite a writing block, but at the same time I'm trying to move this story to somewhere.   
> I swear I'll try to update faster!!

Tsukishima woke up and he immediately could sense a faint smell of coffee. He got up from the bed, and opened the door. He saw Yachi in the kitchen, she was too focused in her task of making coffee that she didn’t notice when he approximated and talked.

“Good morning Yachi-san” He didn’t intend to scare the poor girl, but that’s what happened. She almost burn herself with hot water, and that made him really worried.

“I’m sorry, I should have talked something before coming here”

“That was nothing… I should say sorry for being scared so easily” She said with a small blush on her cheeks.

He helped her to put things on the table, though that he knew he disturbed more than he helped, not knowing where things were only difficult his task. The breakfast was what he would see in some American movies, it didn’t have eggs, or bacon (and he was mentally grateful for it, eating something so greasy in the mourning wouldn’t be good for his stomach), it was bread, with different types of jellies, butter, and cheese.

“Thank you for the food” He said before eating a piece of bread, with some strawberry jelly on its top.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry” Yachi said with a small, soft smile before eating too. 

The taste of the coffee danced in Tsukishima’s mouth, it was totally different form his work’s coffee, it had more flavor, was a little bit hotter, its bitterness was delicious, and he couldn’t help but drink it slowly, appreciating its flavor. He thought the taste was familiar, but he couldn’t really name it, after thinking some more he finally remembered, home he thought.

Yes, definitely it reminded him of home.

 

xx

 

Kuroo got up from his couch, his back screaming with pain for sleeping in such a uncomfortable place, then he turned his face just to see Bokuto sleeping on the floor, he was probably too drunk last night that he couldn’t even go to somewhere better. Just thinking about how much Bokuto would complain about a hangover, and sleeping on the floor only made Kuroo’s head ache.

First of all he needed to eat, and that’s what he did. He started to make coffee, he made his specialty, pancakes, because he remembered Bokuto loved them. He tried not to make much noise, he didn’t want to wake Bokuto, but he still woke up. Being as noisy as ever.

“Man, I fucking slept on the floor! I was this wasted?” He said going to the kitchen.

“Don’t know Bo, I don’t remember much about last night” 

“But you remember about Tsukki, right?” Bokuto asked putting a hand on it’s head.

“Yes… I remember” He said while he fried the other side of the pancake.

“I think you should ask Hitoka-chan what happened, I’m sure she will tell you” 

“Maybe I’ll do it.” He put the plates on the table, the pancake smelt sweet and Bokuto couldn't wait to eat it. The result? He burnt his tongue, which made Kuroo laugh.

"Don't laugh! Give me water!" Bokuto yelled with teary eyes.

"Yes, yes ma'am" He gave him a glass of cold water.

"Ah yes, did you heard it?" Bokuto asked Kuroo.

"Heard what?"

"Miss Yachi went to a hospital, that is why you had to go to the meeting" Bokuto said sipping a bit of his coffee.

"Is she sick?" Kuroo asked.

"Well... I wouldn't know, right?" He suggested.

"I guess..." 

 

xx

 

It was a new day for Tsukishima, Monday was never his favorite day, he did have some laziness in his body. After spending the weekend with Yachi he could say he had a lot of fun, it has been a long time since he felt like this.

He only arrived home Sunday night, and thankfully it didn't seem that his boyfriend spent any time there too.

He stretched his arms, feeling every bone of him relax. He looked at his computer, he saw the project of the new building and his mind started to think.

Time passed fast when you're too concentrated on something, without noticing lunch time arrived, but Tsukishima wasn't hungry, it has been months since he ate that much.

The weekend with Yachi was filled with chocolate, strawberries and popcorn. He felt sick at the end, Yachi ate a lot and he wondered how could she not be fat by now, if that was her normal. He could feel his stomach heavy, and unconsciously thought if that would give him some weight, he hoped so, he wasn't that skinny because he wanted to, actually he hated how his body was, but he didn't really have a choice.

He decided not to eat anything, and he felt heavy to drink another cup of coffee, and decided to drink a glass of cold water instead. He felt the cold drink going down his throat, feeling a little of his laziness going away.

He still didn't see his boyfriend, he didn't appear Sunday night, and when Tsukishima woke up, he too wasn't on his side. He wish he could say he was worried, but it wasn't the first time that Yuuji had disappeared for a while. The longest he hadn't come back was two weeks, so the tall man could feel a little bit lonely or miss him, but worried he wasn't. Surely Yuuji was having much more fun in whatever place he was than he would be with Tsukishima.

I have to finish this was what Tsukishima thought. A project took time to be finished, he had to take in consideration a lot of variables, but he liked his job, so he didn't really mind.

 

xx

 

"Why hadn't you called him yet?" Bokuto asked.

"Dunno, I just have this feeling that this is not the right time to call" Kuroo answered pouting.

"I'm sure he will be pleased if you call Kuroo-san" Yachi encouraged him.

"Are you sure Hitoka-chan?" Kuroo looked at her, "why do you think this?"

"Maybe not now, but I'm 100% sure that he will be grateful in the future!" She explained, "It's better if he doesn't spend much time alone"

Obviously Kuroo and Bokuto didn't really understand what she meant.

"You know..." She tried to pick up the right words to explain Tsukishima's situation for them hiding some details that she knew she didn't have the right to tell anyone since it was Tsukishima's privacy, "I met Tsukishima for the first time in High School, we are in different classes but Kiyoko convinced me to be the manager of the Volleyball club."

"Kiyoko?" Bokuto questioned.

"She was the manager at the time, but since she was a 3rd year she was looking for someone else, we’re… friends nowadays” Yachi showed them a tiny smile, “Even if I saw him everyday, we weren’t close. Actually, I was a little bit afraid of him at that time” She giggled.

“Why?” Kuroo asked, because from the little he knew about Tsukishima, he didn’t seem like someone to get people afraid of.

“He was really snarky! He would always make fun of others, and he would say ‘Shut up’ all the time! He was too really closed, he never really opened up, so what was in his head was always a mysterious to everyone”

She breathed for a while before continuing, “Well, that was my image of him until we grew closer. In our Second Year, I started dating his best friend Yamaguchi, so I started to hang out with them, and discovered that Tsukishima really only was that salty not because he hated other people.”

“But actually because he hates himself”

The air around them stiffened like if she had said that someone committed a murder. She looked at her plate before continuing.

“In the three months I dated Yamaguchi-san I got to know a lot about Tsukishima, and even after we broke up, me and Tsukishima stayed as friends, and I discovered, about his insecurities and his worries, and that he wasn’t snarky because he wanted to hurt others, but because he wanted to protect himself. And when I say he can’t left alone, is because he thinks too much, he thinks about how he’s a burden, how no one should care about him, and that was before everything in his life started to collapse, so everything must be really worse now."

Bokuto stayed quiet, he knew that he didn’t know anything at all about Tsukishima, so he couldn’t opine about it, instead, he waited for Kuroo to make the first movement.

“I probably should invite him to have dinner with me tomorrow” Kuroo said, making Yachi smile.

“Yeah, you totally should bro!” Bokuto finally spoke, giving support to Kuroo’s decisions.

“But, Hitoka-chan?” Kuroo asked.

“What?”

“Why don’t you do it yourself? Now you have his cellphone number right?” Kuroo made a puzzled expression, and Yachi’s face turned a little red.

“Well, I really want him to break up with his boyfriend, and I already tried my best this weekend, but it was no good. So maybe if he hears a second opinion he might think about it more” Kuroo looked at her skeptically, not really believing what she said.

“You’re not trying to make me and him date, are you?” He looked at her, that immediately turned pink, confirming his expectations, making him sigh.

“I’m not looking for a relationship with him Hitoka-chan, or anyone at all, and you know this” He was disappointed, he didn’t expect her to do such a thing.

“I know I’m wrong! But you saw, didn’t you? The bruises? His bones? Or are you going to pretend you didn’t notice the scars in his belly? I can’t stand it anymore!” She was in the verge of crying, and Kuroo was thankful that the restaurant they were wasn’t full, and they were in a corner where people wouldn’t really pay attention.

“But you can’t just force me to date someone!” Kuroo was too irritated with the situation, he didn’t understand why his friends always insisted for him to have a relationship when he had already said thousands of times before that he didn’t want any.

“I’ve been seeing him in that state for 5 years you know?! And 4 years ago he suddenly disappeared! Can you imagine my desperation?! When I couldn’t find my most dearest friend? He could have died and I wouldn’t know! He suddenly moved out of his apartment, his phone was unreachable, it took me months to give up looking for him. Can you imagine it Kuroo-san? What if Bokuto-san suddenly disappeared? How would you react?” She had angry tears on her face, making Kuroo shocked.

Both Kuroo and Bokuto never saw the sweet girl Hitoka lose her mind, not even once, so her reaction to everything must only mean on how much she cared for Kei.

“I wouldn’t know how to live without him” Kuroo was sincere, he couldn’t imagine a life without Bokuto to brighten up his days, Bokuto was the best person that happened to enter his life, he didn’t even want to think about the possibility to live without him.

“Right?” She looked straight at his eyes, “Now think if all the misery and pain of his life was caused by your own brother"

Realization hit Kuroo and Bokuto like a baseball bat hit their heads. Kuroo did hear she talking about her brother 3 days ago, but he hadn’t linked the informations.

“And more! If it was you that introduced them” Thick, salty tears left her eyes, she was trying to not break down in front of them, but the pain in her eyes and her trembling lips didn’t lie. 

Kuroo stand up and grabbed her for a hug, her tears making his shirt wet, her sobs soften because of the fabric against her mouth, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lost my cool when you and him are in a situation worse than mine” 

She breathed profoundly before speaking again, “I’m sorry too… I shouldn’t have yelled when you guys have no fault in this story, I’m just trying to think on how to make him get out of this relationship, and forgot to consider your feelings too”

“It’s ok…” He assured her.

“We’re ok?” Bokuto asked.

“Yeah, we’re ok Bo” Kuroo finally released the hug and grabbed his coat, “And we’re going to make Tsukki ok too” 

He grinned at Hitoka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have anything to say, so a big FAT THANK YOU to everyone who commented, your comments are so so precious to me, it makes me really happy :') 
> 
> BTW my best friend in this fic is Grammarly because I find a lot of mistakes beforehand because of it, hahah


	9. Clouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy................. I'm late  
> I know and I'm really really sorry, this was supposed to be a weekly thing haha...
> 
> Anyway, here's another chapter! I hope you enjoy it :)

He was waiting patiently for the blonde man arrive, they had agreed to meet at 7 pm in an izakaya, he looked for the tenth time at his watch, Tsukishima was late, it was 7:40 and Kuroo started to feel bothered, he had asked for a beer but the alcohol wasn't making much effect on him.

More 10 minutes passed until he saw the familiar tall man, he had red cheeks, probably from the cold.

"I'm sorry for being so late" Tsukishima bowed at him.

"Ah... Well it was boring but it's ok" Kuroo smiled at him, reassuring that he wasn't angry.

"My boss asked me to do more things than I had planned for today, so it took me a while to finish everything, I'm really sorry for being late though" Tsukishima looked at him with worried eyes.

And Kuroo didn't like it one bit.

"Don't worry I had a little nice conversation with the owner here about his son bitching because of cutting the onions"

That made Tsukishima give him a little smile, and Kuroo's chest relaxed.

"That seems really interesting" the blond man said.

"How's your work going?" Kuroo asked in an attempt to start a conversation.

"It's going well, thankfully. The new project is small, much easier to do. Though I wanted the money for that project we worked together, they only give at the end of the month" Tsukishima sighed.

"Well, I already received mine, as soon as the client deposit the payment we receive our part" Kuroo grinned.

"Lucky you" Tsukishima raised his hand as a sign for one of the waitress get his order. "One beer please"

"You're going to drink today?" Kuroo raised an eyebrow.

"Hm? Yeah, it's been a while since I drank something"

They didn't talk anymore.

Actually, both of them didn't know what to talk about, Kuroo was avoiding to touch the boyfriend topic. But strangely it wasn't an unpleasant silence, it was quite a comforting one, neither of them talked, but the small smile in Tsukishima's lips reassured Kuroo that it was ok, not talking was fine.

He saw Tsukishima swallow a bit of his beer, making his eyes shine a little bit. That small, quick gesture, Kuroo didn't miss it, and he smiled with the scene. The glint in Tsukishima's golden eyes looked like a jewel, a brilliant, expensive and beautiful one.

_Oh no, I shouldn't let my poet self show-off_ , if someone asked Kuroo if he liked poetry, he would deny it with his heart, even though he actually really appreciated them, and even tried to write some of his own, they weren't considered good ones though.

Yes, the silence was ok, but no Kuroo didn't really like it since he went out with Tsukishima so they could talk, he wanted to talk with Tsukishima.

"What are you going to eat?" He asked looking at the menu, faking searching for a food.

"I don't know actually... It's my first time here, so why don't you suggest something for me?" Tsukishima swallowed a bit of his beer, smiling a little after.

"What if we share some Karaage?" He suggested just as Tsukishima had asked, and internally wondered if the beer was making the blond man drunk, he had never seen him smile so much before. Not that he was complaining.

"That sounds good" Tsukishima's cheeks were red, probably from all the alcohol running in his blood now. It's been a long time since he last drunk anything alcoholic, and he now understands why he missed it so much.

After Kuroo asking for the food, both of them were silent again. 

The silence was killing Kuroo so he started tapping his finger on the table, firstly it was slow and weak after some time passed it was strong and fast, though he himself didn't notice it until Tsukishima pointed it out.

"Are you bothered with something Kuroo-san?" He asked.

"Ah, no... Sorry I didn't mean to make you think like that" 

"It's ok, I just don't want you to be here if you don't want to, well maybe you're really bothered because I arrived really late" Kuroo saw the sad look in Tsukishima's eyes, as if it was beating himself for arriving late, he still had a small smile on his lips, though they weren't happy anymore, if he had to tell how it was, he would probably use the word 'empty'.

 Yes, it was an empty smile and Kuroo felt sad seeing it because he imagined how many of these smiles Tsukishima had already shown to him.

He thought he could read Tsukishima well, but it wasn't really like that, sometimes he wondered if the guy was looking at him annoyed or was just tired from work. Hell, he couldn't even tell when the guy was hungry or not when he probably was.

"I already told you that I'm not bothered by it Tsukki" he looked to his side before speaking again, this time with a bright smile on his lips "The food is coming! Let's eat Tsukki!" He said now preparing his hashi.

Tsukishima didn't really reply, but the small almost imperceptible nod on his head and the now  _real_ smile on both his lips and eyes already answered what Kuroo wanted to know.

 

xx

 

When Tsukishima opened his eyes, he immediately felt the cold on his back. His eyes threatened to water, but he made his best so he would not cry, he promised himself to not let one single tear drop. He already cried too much in this past week, more than in months.

He surely felt the pain of being hit, of not being cared, the dying pain when his boyfriend fucked him, the pain on his body because of the lack of food, or the lack of love. He felt it all, but he didn't like to cry, because there was nothing to cry about.

Was he being hit? At least he was with someone he loved. His boyfriend didn't care for him? At least he could feel his warmth. Being fucked hurt? Who said it had to be pleasurable? If Yuuji is happy, then he's fine. Empty stomach? Just fill it with water and coffee. Not being loved? Forget about it, if Yuuji doesn't love him is because he deserves it.

But he couldn't help but miss the usual weight on his back.

He looked at the calendar on the wall, it's been 2 weeks and a half since Yuuji disappeared. Almost 1 month since he first met Kuroo and has been having dinner with him once a week. He too met up with Hitoka once, they spent a lovely Saturday hearing old music, talking about high school and eating as many sweets as Hitoka could think of. Unfortunately, Shimizu wasn't back, and Hitoka started to stay really worried since it had been almost 4 days since Shimizu didn't call her.

He got up from his bed and started to dress his usual suit, noticing that the fabric wasn't as loose on his body as before and he felt every part of his brain light up with the fact, he had gained some weight and he felt really happy with it. He even started humming a song while he finished dressing.

It was the start of a new day, even if Thursdays weren't really one of his favorite days. When he entered the company's building he was greeted by Ito with her usual gentle smile.

As soon as he got to his desk he started to work, not wasting any time, he began typing an email to his boss, asking for information that he needed to continue his job.

While he waited for a reply he felt his phone buzzing. He saw a message from Kuroo.

_Received [08:46 am]_

_hey tsukki! wanna go to a restaurant tomorrow night?_

_Received [08:47 am]_

_I know we already went out this week, but this isn't really a rule, right?_

Tsukishima thought about it, but he decided to go anyway, he wouldn't have anything better to do.

_Sent [08:52 am]_

_We can go_

_Received [08:53 am]_

_great! I'll pick you up on your work tomorrow then!_

And if someone asked if he was smiling at his phone after he received Kuroo's last message he would reply 'no' without thinking twice.

 

xx

 

“Tsukki!” Kuroo’s face light up when he saw Tsukishima exiting his company’s building. Tsukishima couldn’t help but stare a bit at the black haired man, Kuroo just went out of his own job too, but he looked like he had dressed up just for the occasion. The sight of the thighs black pants on Kuroo’s muscular legs made Tsukishima’s face heat up a little when he noticed he was being too obvious he looked away.

“Good evening Kuroo-san” He returned to his normal self, not showing in his voice the previous shyness.

“You still didn’t drop the honorifics? Just call me Kuroo, Tetsurou is fine too” Tsukishima actually wondered if Kuroo didn’t felt pain in his cheeks, he smiled too much. Which was no good, since it made Tsukishima’s heart beat way too fast.

“It’s called having manners Kuroo-san” Kuroo knew that something changed on Tsukishima since the first time they met when he first saw the tall man he found him to be something fragile, that needed protection. Slowly this man was changing, he didn’t see him as weak as before, the snarky comments were increasing too. And above all that, he would have the pleasure to see him smile genuinely from times to times, something he would never expect on the first time they talked.

Tsukishima was different, but Kuroo didn’t mind the change one bit.

“Shall we go?” Kuroo suggested, “The restaurant we’re going today is really good!”.

“Well, in all places we went the food was delicious, so I trust you on this,” Kei said walking by his side.

They entered the place, from outside it seemed like an Italian restaurant, and if he said his mouth didn’t water a bit he would be lying, who was he kidding? He loved pasta. From inside it looked like an expensive place to eat, that was the first thought that crossed his mind. Since he and Kuroo started to go out to eat he never paid anything, and it actually bothered him, he didn’t like to feel indebted to other people, and even if he knew that Kuroo wasn’t the kind of person to make this thing go against him later, he still didn’t like the feeling. Who knows if Kuroo would never change? He never thought Yuuji would change too, and look how he was now.

“Today I’m going to pay” Tsukishima said while he chooses something on the menu, “At least for my food”.

“Aww, Tsukki! How cute of you” Kuroo grinned, “But unfortunately we already talked about it, I invited, I pay.”

“Bu-“

“No ‘buts, I don’t even spend all my money of the month” Kuroo explained, “It’s not like I’m restraining myself from buying something with this money, and I enjoy paying for you”

Tsukishima closed his face, he didn’t know how to answer, and unfortunately it looked like his snarky self was back, but not with ‘full power’ yet, he knew that if it were high school days, he would have replied with something without blinking. He himself didn’t know if it was good or not, he knew that being snarky would drive people away, but he never cared about it in the past, would he now?

After some time, a waiter brought them what they asked, and Tsukishima’s eyes filled with joy seeing his pasta. Because it was _actual_ pasta, not some tasteless Cup Noodles. He immediately digs in on his food, too busy concentrating on the flavors to notice Kuroo smiling at him with a soft, fond smile.

After they both finished eating, Kuroo paid for everything (with a pouty Tsukishima by his side, still not happy with not paying anything at all).

“I will take you home” Kuroo said.

“What? No” Tsukishima frowned, looking at him confused.

“What? Yes” Kuroo replied, already expecting this kind of reaction from Tsukishima, “It’s not that far from here right? And anyway, there’s no way I’m going to let you walk alone at this hour of the night”

“Haa?” Tsukishima was incredulous, just what was Kuroo thinking? “I’m not a kid”.

“Well, I can see that. You’re too tall to be one” Tsukishima wanted to punch that pretty smile on Kuroo’s face, “But I’m still worried, and no. ‘No’ is not a valid answer”

One thing Tsukishima learned was that when Kuroo decided something, he wouldn’t change his mind, so he just decided to give up.

The cold breeze made Tsukishima shiver, his body complaining of the sudden change of temperatures. 

“Do you think is going to snow again?” Kuroo asked looking at the sky while they walked.

“I don’t know, the weather girl will tell you” Tsukishima too glanced at the sky, it was packed with clouds, you couldn’t see a single star, not that it was something you could see easily on Tokyo’s polluted sky. Sometimes he would miss Miyagi just for this little things. But surely the sky was brighter on these days, perhaps not just the sky, but his whole life too.

They continued to walk on the streets, without talking much, Tsukishima enjoyed this kind of silence though, so he didn’t mind one bit. He could only hope that Kuroo enjoyed it too.

Kuroo again looked at the sky, “Oh! Look Tsukki! The moon is so pretty today!”.

Tsukishima looked at the sky once more, when he spotted the big bright yellow-ish moon he smiled a little, “It really is”

“It’s such a shame the sky is so packed with clouds today! They keep hiding the moon” Kuroo complained.

They kept walking, and Kuroo kept trying to find the moon once more, Tsukishima only heard the pained groan from Kuroo.

“I hit my head on this damned board!” Kuroo had one hand on his forehead, eyes closed from the pain. Tsukishima hurried to help him.

“Hey, let me see it.” Kuroo still didn’t move his hand, “Kuroo-san, please” The worried tone on Tsukishima’s voice made him relax a bit, even though he still could feel the pain there.

Apparently, it hit hard enough to make it bleed a little, “Don’t worry, you just scratched your skin, that’s why it’s bleeding a little.”

Kuroo closed his eyes once more when he felt the blood entering one of his eyes.

“My house it’s near, I’ll clean this for you” Tsukishima grabbed Kuroo’s hand just to make sure he would still follow him even if his eyes closed from the pain.

It didn’t take 2 minutes to arrive Tsukishima’s house. Kuroo wished he could say what was it like, but the blood on his forehead, going down his face, made him not look. He was guided to sit somewhere, from the fluffiness he guessed it was a bed, _Tsukishima’s bed_ he thought.

He winced when he felt something being pressed on his wound, “I’m just cleaning it, calm down a little will you?”

Tsukishima was focusing on what he was doing and no, Kuroo definitely wasn’t thinking of the blonde’s gentle, cold fingers on his cheeks.

After some minutes and Tsukishima putting something that seemed to be a bandage, Kuroo finally opened his eyes. He first saw Tsukishima’s worried eyes, that were dangerously close to him.

“Are you ok?” Tsukishima asked, his fingers still on Kuroo’s cheek.

“Yes… Thank you Tsukki” Kuroo smiled, reassuring Tsukishima that he was completely fine.

Tsukishima then retreated and went to the kitchen, “I’m going to make some tea”

Just then Kuroo started to see how Tsukishima’s house was. It was everything in just one room, he from the bed he was sitting he saw Tsukishima boiling the water. It was small, packed, nothing that really stands out. Until he saw the nightstand. There was a picture.

A picture of Tsukishima (a younger one though) and some guy he didn’t know, he guessed it was the ‘Yuuji’ guy, Hitoka’s brother he reminded himself.

They looked so _happy_ and it punched Kuroo on his stomach, he remembered that Tsukishima wasn’t single, he had someone else. _Someone else who isn’t me_ Kuroo thought.

“Here,” Tsukishima said giving to him a mug with tea.

“Thank you Tsukki.

“And who was the kid who needed to be protected again?” Kuroo looked at Tsukishima, who had a smile on his face.

“Well, I guess this time was me” And with that both men started to laugh, calming down moments later.

There it was, the silence again. But this time Kuroo asked the question that was bothering him.

“Where’s him?”

Tsukishima looked at him with a surprised face, soon changing to a pained one, “Who knows? He disappeared two weeks and a half ago”

It hurt Kuroo to see the blonde with such a pained expression, it was worry mixed with sadness, and a little drop of jealousy, and… Kuroo knew there was something more, but he didn’t discover what.

Just after finishing his tea, Kuroo decided it was time to leave.

“Thank you again Tsukki”

“I should be the one thanking you instead, and you know it.” Tsukishima smiled, guiding his guest to the door.

What he didn’t expect was that the moment Kuroo opened the door, Yuuji would be the one on the other side.

Kuroo almost jumped in surprise, and it seemed that the guy was as surprised as him.

“And who might you be?” The guy that Kuroo now knew that was Yuuji said.

“Ah, I’m sorry for intruding. Tsukk- Tsukishima helped me with this wound on my forehead” Kuroo explained with the best fake smile he could give, he looked at Tsukishima on his back and his heart started to beat faster when he noticed the panicked expression on Tsukishima’s face.

"And I didn’t ask you this, I asked who are you” Yuuji frowned at him, with irritated eyes.

“My name is Kuroo Tetsurou, I’m Tsukishima’s friend” Kuroo said simply, it was not a lie, and he couldn’t tell the guy that he was the main reason for all this mess.

“Hey, Kei.” Yuuji said, “Since when do you have friends?”

Kuroo could see Tsukishima’s big, but fragile body retreating more and more, shutting himself inside again, hiding his feelings, his worries, he himself.

“I met him on my work one month ago” Tsukishima replied, trying to maintain his expression as neutral as he could, he couldn’t let himself break with Kuroo seeing again.

“Is that so?” Yuuji put a hand on Kuroo’s shoulder, making a little of pressure before speaking again, “You should go home Kuroo-san, look at the time”

With this Kuroo went out of the house, seeing Yuuji close the door, Tsukishima didn’t even have the chance to say ‘bye’.

While walking home Kuroo reminded of Tsukishima’s eyes and remembered. 

_Ah, it’s just like the moon today, so beautiful, yet hidden by the clouds._

The thing was that the clouds hiding Tsukishima were Yuuji.

 

_Indeed, I really hate clouds._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you all next chapter! I'm actually really surprised with the amount of kudos I'm receiving I'm really thankful you all :') Every comment makes me really happy :) If it wasn't for you all I probably wouldn't have continued this fanfic!


	10. Cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry?? Haha...

The first thing Kuroo noticed when he met Tsukishima was the tired eyes. The second, the scarf around his neck. And the third? The dark purple next to his lips. 

It was Thursday, 4 days since he met the 'Yuuji' guy. And for what it looked, it didn't end up well for Tsukishima.

"We can go to my house if you want some uh... Privacy?" Kuroo suggested imagining that Tsukishima wouldn't be comfortable in showing his face the way it was in a public place.

"Yes, I think it would be the best" In their way to home Kuroo couldn't help but think that Tsukishima was too quiet.

Yes, the guy was always silent, Tsukishima never talked much, but still, Kuroo would receive one or two snarky comments or even something that caught his interest recently, but this time was nothing. The blonde's eyes were dull, with bags. His skin was pale, and this silence was starting to piss off Kuroo. The usual comforting silence they shared was nowhere to be seen.  _After all, this time trying to receive his trust... Now, this?_ He knew he was being selfish, he knew something must have happened with Tsukishima. But he was  _frustrated_ that in only 4 days, all the work he had to gain Tsukishima's key to his thoughts would be in vain.

True he did everything because he wanted to help him, but now? He would be lying if he said he wasn't fond of the guy, he was someone he wanted to protect, just like Bokuto and Hitoka, but at the same time different? He wanted to hug Tsukishima and tell him that everything would be ok, he wanted him to break up with Yuuji and stop suffering so much, he wanted him to stop starving himself because of someone else. He wanted everything to happen but didn't have enough guts to actually make it come true. He sighed, maybe Tsukishima didn't want to be helped at all.

He took his keys when they arrived at his apartment when they entered they were received with a warm room. Much more agreeable than the freezing cold of the streets.

"I'll make something to warm us up," Kuroo said going to the kitchen, "what do you prefer? Coffee, tea?"

"Coffee is fine," Tsukishima said while he sits on a chair.

"So? What are the plans for today?" Kuroo said while he tried to put up a smile, it was kind of difficult in this situation, everything seemed to tense and  _fake._ But he didn't know what else to do.

"Actually, I have something to talk to you" Tsukishima looked at his cold, thin hands.

Kuroo gulped, but still tried to not show how nervous he was, "Sure, go ahead".

"So... I'm better now, see? I'm eating more healthily, I even gained some weight, I'm almost 53 kilograms now! Soon I'll reach 60, and after 70kg, then everything will be alright, right?" Tsukishima's voice trembled while he talked, and Kuroo didn't say anything, waiting for Tsukishima to continue. "We don't need to do it anymore, right? I can't let you do all these things for me, I'm just a stranger, someone you met in a difficult situation and wanted to help because you have a good heart, that's just it!" He breathed profoundly before continuing, "So let's just stop it?"

"Of course," Kuroo said, now putting a mug of coffee in the front of Tsukishima. 

Tsukishima was surprised at first, but then, it shouldn't be a surprise right? Everything he said was true, Kuroo didn't feel anything for him, not even as a friend. The true hurt, but the truth was still the truth nonetheless. Yuuji was right after all, like always.

"Just, before you go... Can you answer me one- no, two questions?" Kuroo looked straight at Tsukishima's eyes. But Kei's eyes never met his.

"Of course, is more than fair right? After everything you've done for me," a sad smile appeared on Tsukishima's pale face.

"Was it Yuuji who told you to stop talking to me?" Tsukishima swallowed and stayed quiet.

"...yes" Kuroo's face darkened, but still decided to not say anything.

"So before you go, can you take your scarf off?" Tsukishima looked surprised, he wanted to retort, to say no. But he knew that he had no power against Kuroo.

He slowly took his scarf, making Kuroo's eyes widen, he thought he had already seen everything Yuuji was able to do, and he was so  _damn wrong._

Tsukishima's neck was purple, it had bite marks, finger marks, and a mark of something circular he didn't know what it was.

"What is it?" Kuroo asked, voice deep and anger on his eyes.

"Ah... It was a rope..." Tsukishima looked at his own hands again, he couldn't bear look at Kuroo.

"I'm going to kill him!" Kuroo got up from the chair.

"No! You can't!" He raised his voice.

Kuroo looked at him surprised, rarely Tsukishima would raise his voice. He then sits on his chair again.

"Why?" He simply asked he couldn't understand Tsukishima's thoughts.

"You just can't..." He looked helpless as if he was trying to find the right words, but the right words didn't exist.

"Do you love him?" Kuroo finally asked what his heart was screaming to ask.

"I... do love him" Kuroo didn't let escape the tremble on Tsukishima's voice. He grabbed his hands and forced him to look into his eyes. For the first time in the night.

"Tsukki," he said, "are you serious?" 

Tsukishima remained silent. He didn't want to respond, he didn't want to be there, he didn't want any of this. He wanted to be alone, and don't bother anyone, he was alone all this time, he was already used to it, he surely could bear it all.

"I am very serious" he finally answered.

"And what if I said..." Kuroo looked at his sides, with red cheeks, "that I... I-I love you".

"Huh?" Tsukishima looked at him disbelieved. "Wha- what d-did you say?".

Kuroo himself didn't know what he said, he was as surprised as Tsukishima.  _Bokuto will say that annoying 'I told you so" later_ he whined, what has he done?

 

xx

 

Bokuto passed in the usual bakery. He saw the usual cashier with the usual smile. By now she even knew who he was.

"Oh, Bokuto-san! What will you want for today?" She smiled brightly. And Bokuto couldn't simply say _'I want your boss'_.

"Hmm... Difficult question... What can you recommend to me today?" He asked the short girl.

"I think there's nothing in this shop that you haven't already tasted" she giggled.

Bokuto started to look at the sweets, looking for something that would catch his interest. He was so engrossed in it that he didn't even notice when the pretty boss arrived.

"So you are the famous Bokuto" Poor Bokuto almost thrown up his own heart.

"A-ah it's me?" He didn't quite know how to answer.

"This girl here always talks about you" the pretty boss named Akaashi patted the girl's head, "thank you for your patronage every day" he giggled a bit.

"Ah, it's nothing! I really like the sweets here, you're... very talented!" Bokuto's face was red, he went to the shop every day because of Akashi, and occasionally the good talk he would have with the cashier. But he didn't actually think of what he would say when he finally talked to Akaashi.

Because, first of all, was Akaashi even gay? True that he was a patisserie, but assuming his sexuality because of his job would be wrong. He didn't even need to be gay, maybe Bisexual? Or Pan? If he liked guys, even for a bit, then maybe Bokuto would actively hit on him.

"Thank you very much, I'm happy that you like what I do here." Akaashi have him a sincere smile, and  _oh good God_ he felt himself fall for the pretty boy even more, "you came at the right time! I just made this cake here, it's the first time I'm selling it, would you like a piece of it?"

"Ah, of course!" Bokuto felt happy that he got to be the first person buying the cake, he didn't even taste it and he was already sure that it was a masterpiece.

"Will you eat here, or at home?" The small cashier asked.

"Ah, I'll eat here today." Bokuto smiled at her, feeling his heart beat faster, it was the first time he actually talked to Akaashi.

"Ah, this one is in the house," Akaashi said while he put the piece of cake on a plate.

"No, no I must pay for it" Bokuto frowned.

"You always come here, this is just a small gift for our most loyal customer" he smiled, "I hope you'll like it". He gave the cake to Bokuto, then going back to the kitchen.

Bokuto blushed and sat in one of the chairs. He finally put a little on his mouth, and couldn't help but let a hum of pleasure.

He looked at the cashier that looked at him, he said: "it's delicious!" She giggled and sent him a little wink,

"I'm rooting for you," she said almost whispering meaning that he was too obvious when he talked to Akaashi, making he blush.

After exiting the bakery the first thing he thought of doing was call Kuroo, like obviously, he had to tell his best bro that he  _finally_ got to talk with Akaashi.

"Hey, hey Kuroo! Guess what?" That was the first thing Bokuto said after confirming that Kuroo had attended.

" _Now it's not a good time Bo_ " Bokuto was dumb, but not enough to not notice the anxiety in Kuroo's voice.

"Hey, what happened? Are you alright?" He said in a concerned voice, it wasn't always Kuroo felt anxious or nervous, it's been a long time since he stopped feeling like this, and Bokuto remembered how shitty it was for Kuroo.

" _Yes, I'm fine. I'm just... Trying to fix something. I swear I'll call you later._ " 

"Ok, talk to you later" Bokuto tried to maintain his voice as steady as possible, he didn't want to sound worried or pry into the problem. He knew it would only make things worse, after knowing Kuroo for so long he kind of understood his way of thinking.

He sighed, whatever was happening he hoped it wouldn't be as bad as Kuroo's past experiences. He did not think Kuroo could handle another deception in his life.  _He will talk to me when he feels like it._

He shivered with the cold breeze and headed home. 

 

xx

 

"And what if I said..." Kuroo looked at his sides, with red cheeks, "that I... I-I love you".

Tsukishima felt his mind go blank, he didn't know what to say, he had to be mistaken, he heard wrong, there was no way Kuroo Tetsurou confessed to him. It was just impossible.

"Huh?" Tsukishima looked at him disbelieved. "Wha- what d-did you say?".

Silence. That was what Tsukishima received, he felt Kuroo's hand wrap into his even harder, and he could feel the sweat despite the freezing weather.

"A-ah I definitely shouldn't have told you in such a situation..." Kuroo couldn't look Tsukishima in his eyes, he was ashamed of what he said, want kind of asshole he was? Confessing when he knew Tsukishima wasn't emotionally stable. "But yes... I was serious Tsukki... I do love you".

Kuroo expected a lot of things, an angry Tsukishima, a disappointed Tsukishima, he expected Tsukishima to go home, to slap him, anything. But when he felt the hands he was holding tremble he was surprised.

He didn't expect to see Tsukishima cry.

And now he didn't know what to do. Tsukishima's face was red, and big, shiny tears left his eyes.

"Please don't do this to me..." With a sob Tsukishima said.

"I... I didn't know myself I could fall in love again, I thought it would be impossible after everything that happened to me in the past, but now I'm here... And I mean it! I'm not doing it so you can leave him, I want to be with you!" By now even Kuroo himself didn't know what he was saying, he just wanted Tsukishima to stop crying, "I like when you smile! I like when you are snarky too, I like how happy you are when you eat strawberries, or how your face lit up everytime you get to see Jurassic Park! And I absolutely love when you have those eyes, those eyes that even if you aren't smiling, they shine with happiness".

Tsukishima freed his hands from Kuroo's, tears still dropping, but this time angry tears, disappointed tears. Definitely not happy ones.

He took his necklace off carefully to not touch his neck, he looked at the ring before putting it angrily on the table.

"Are you serious?" He felt his voice getting higher and angrier, "He used to say the same thing, or do you think he never told he loved me? It wasn't always like this, but this is what happens in a relationship! It happened to me, it happened to Yachi's parents, _God_ it happened even to you, didn't it?"

"Yes, it happened," Kuroo said frankly.

"Then why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I'm willing to take the risk for you, I already told you Tsukki, I love you."

 

 


	11. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, actually I have 0 things to say, I'm really really sorry for taking so long, but that's all I can say after all

_It was spring, Tsukishima looked at his classmates, he recognized some people while others were total strangers. He didn't like to change classes when the year began, he was used to his previous class_ rythmn _, he didn't like changes._

_If there was something that changed to good, it was that this year he would be in the same class as Yachi. He befriended her last year, when she dated Yamaguchi. He could say that he was shocked when he discovered she was a lesbian, but not prejudiced. That never. He didn't know why too, maybe he was one of them. Asexuality was a thing, right? He never felt attracted to anyone in his life. He looked at pictures of famous people, known for their beauty and charisma and he would feel nothing at all, with neither men or women._

_"Good morning Tsukishima-san" he saw Yachi talking to him with a bright smile "let's have a good year together"._

_He liked her, she was polite, never rude or loud and respected his personal space, and she still was friendly and caring enough to not seem antisocial._

_"Good morning Yachi-san, I hope we have a good year as well" he returned her with a weak smile, it wasn't fake or anything, it was the same he would do with Yamaguchi. Maybe it was the best smile he would ever do, he doesn't remember laughing more than it._

_Time passed, the class ended. And without noticing the day turned into weeks._

_"_ Hey _, Tsukishima-san" Yachi called. They were both eating during_ lunch _time, Yachi as always with a cute bentō._

_"What?" He said while digging a little of his_ omelet _._

_"Next week there will be a fancy party because of mom's work, I will have to go because mom wants me to start having connections, and I can bring a plus one, so... Would you go with me? It will be kind of boring without anyone to talk to"_

_He didn't really want to go, he liked his nights where he can sleep, listen to some music or read a book or two._

_"I will think about it" Her face lit up, happy that he didn't deny on the first opportunity._

_"Thank you!" She smiled at him._

_And that was it, on the next day he answered her invitation, agreeing to go._

_When the day finally arrived he dressed up, dressing the best clothes he had. He didn't really have fancy clothes, he was already lucky to have this one he used at a wedding some time ago._

_When he arrived the place he felt his throat dry, it was a really fancy place with people dressed elegantly, he suddenly felt underdressed. He felt the urge to go home and just send Yachi a message saying he wasn't feeling well. But instead, he felt a gentle grip on his arm._

_"Tsukishima-san! I'm happy you came" Yachi looked at him with a bright smile, and he would be lying if he didn't say that she was absolutely stunning that night. Gentle eyes with just the right amount of makeup, hair tied in just one side showing the small earring, a light pink dress, and heels, making her taller than he was used to._

_"Ah, well... I did say I would come" he answered flustered, now he got why Yamaguchi was so fixed in her._

_"Come sit with us! My mom is talking with other people so she's not on the table, father is with her. Ah, but my brother is with us too" that got him surprised, he didn't know Yachi had a brother._

_Arriving at the table he saw him, blonde hair with gel, uninterested eyes, and a tight suit that showed his muscles. Tsukishima couldn't help but gulp what the hell was wrong with this family and its genes, everyone was this pretty?_

_It seemed that the guy didn't notice Tsukishima or Yachi coming since when they sat he jumped a little in surprise._

_"Oh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention" the guy got up offering his hand, Tsukishima grabbed it shaking firmly, he didn't want to seem rude by not shaking it. Even if he didn't really like to touch other people._

_When Tsukishima sat, he heard the guy try to maintain a conversation, "My name is Yachi Yuuji, I'm Hitoka's older brother"._

_"It's nice to meet you Yachi-san, my name is Tsukishima Kei and I'm Yachi-san's classmate."_

_"Perhaps you should call me Yuuji, it's confusing when both_ me _and my sister are 'Yachi-san'". Hitoka giggled with the affirmation._

_If Tsukishima said he was bored during the party, he would be lying. He spent the next five hours talking to Yachi and her brother Yuuji, who was someone pleasing to talk. He eventually met Yachi's parents, her mom gave him the fakest smile he had ever seen and her father just gave him a quick greet but didn't even bother trying to talk to him again._

_"Unpleasing aren't they?" Yuuji said._

_"What?" Tsukishima was confused, he didn't know who he was talking about._

_"My parents obviously!" He heard Yachi protest but her brother didn't bother_ pay _attention._

_"I would say they are... They seem fake" He talked honestly, he didn't have a reason to_ lie _, and he knew that they guy would know if he liked._

_"Tsukishima-_ kun _!" Yachi protested, a little angry._

_"Ah Hitoka, you're the one who suffers the most in mom's hands, I don't know how you can still defend her" Yuuji said while drinking a little of his juice. "But let's stop this unpleasant topic, what are you thinking to do in University?"_

_The question got him surprised, "I actually still don't know, maybe architecture? Or paleontology"_

_"Paleontology? Like, the dinosaurs?" He asked him looking so surprised, making Tsukishima blush a little, nodding to answer._

_"Wow, what's that?! You're so cute!" Tsukishima almost felt like he chocked on something, his face suddenly seemed to hot and he was left speechless. Cute? Me? He couldn't help but think._

_"I think you're saying that to the wrong person" How could he, a 190cm tall, awkward boy even be considered cute by someone._

_"Nu-uh, I'm talking to you" he smiled at Tsukishima, appreciating the redness in his cheeks._

_"Onii-chan! You're making him uncomfortable!" Hitoka finally talked._

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was saying the truth though" he pouted, "ah, I think we already can go home Hitoka" He looked at Tsukishima's eyes. "Do you need a ride home?"_

_"Ah, no. I'm thankful for the thought but I don't need it" he answered still feeling the eyes of the guy on his._

_"Is that so? How boring..." He pouted while looked at his sister, "it was a pleasure meeting you, Kei. I hope we get to talk more"_

_And that was the final drop, he actually called him by his first name, he felt the blood rush into his face, making him angry, nervous and shy at the same time, causing he to not reply anything._

_"See ya!" And then the guy vanished in the crowd._

_Tsukishima never guessed that he would end up dating this same strange guy for years._

 

_xx_

 

_The next time Tsukishima saw the guy was at school, two weeks later. His day was as normal as it could be, he hangs out with Yachi and Yamaguchi having to ignore the strangeness in the mood. After their breakup, none of them could feel actually comfortable with each other, Yachi drowned in guilty by playing with Yamaguchi’s feelings, and him who couldn’t bring himself to forget all their sweet time together._

_It was time to go home, he and Yachi went to the gates together, only to see Yuuji waiting in front of it._

_“Onii-chan! What are you doing here?” Yachi asked as confused as Tsukishima._

_“Just thought of walking home together with my cute little sister, and seeing high school girls in uniforms of course!” He laughed._

_“You’re talking like_ an old _man, and you were in high school just last year…” She sighed, “Anyway, what about college?”_

_“Oh, my lazy ass teacher didn’t show up” He laughed, “And, I wanted to see how you were doing,_ Kei _” He said while putting an arm around Tsukishima’s neck._

_Tsukishima was a mess in front of the guy, he didn’t know if he got angry for being called by his first name, or shy for the amount of contact._

_“I’m doing just fine Yuuji-san, thank you for your concern” He managed to say, he just wanted the guy to stop touching him._

_"Look how frustrated he is! Isn't he cute Hitoka? He would be a great boyfriend right?” He laughed, “He’s a great catch Hitoka, if you don’t want him, I might take a bite…”_

_“Onii-chan!” She said frustrated._

_Tsukishima should have yelled, should have gotten mad, anything. But he said nothing and only felt his face get even warmer._

_And when Yuuji looked at Tsukishima’s bright red face, he couldn’t help but feel a little shy too._

_“See you, Kei” He whispered and headed home, with Hitoka right behind him complaining about making her friend uncomfortable._

_Kei never told anyone about how he couldn’t sleep at night because he kept remembering the close voice of Yuuji’s on his ear, or how he felt uncomfortable with his hard lower part._

_“Just what am I doing?” He sighed to himself._

 

_xx_

 

_The third time they met was completely coincidental, Kei was just buying some energy drinks for his teammates in a convenience store, it was Saturday they just finished playing a practice game with another high school team, everyone was exhausted. He honestly didn’t want to buy the drinks, but since Hinata and Nishinoya wouldn’t shut up he decided to go._

_There he bought everything quickly, he was still sweating after all, and just when he was finished paying the drinks, Yuuji entered the store. Both of them looking surprised to see each other. Yuuji was as casual as possible, sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt, but even so it made Tsukishima go mute, as he mostly definitely didn’t look at the guy’s tanned and well-sculpted collarbone._

_“Oh, Kei! What a surprise seeing you here” Yuuji greeted him._

_“Good afternoon Yuuji-san” Tsukishima was proud of_ himself, _since he managed to talk even if he felt that there was dry cotton on his mouth._

_“If I knew I would meet you I definitely would have dressed better clothes” The blond guy gave him a shy smile._

_You look so good in those though Tsukishima thought, and blushed a little, what was he doing? Thinking about his friend’s brother like this._

_“Why?” Kei asked, genuinely confused._

_“A-ah… Because you know…” Yuuji didn’t finish the sentence, making Tsukishima feel even more confused._

_“No…_ Actually _, I don’t know” Tsukishima said, waiting for a proper answer._

_“Anyway… What are you doing here?”_

_“I’m just buying drinks for my dumbasses teammates, none of them offered to help carrying those too” Tsukishima explained, feeling his hand ache with so many bottles on the plastic bag, “What are you doing here though? Your home is quite far from here if I remember well”_

_“There’s a library near here that I like a lot, so I was just hanging there and started to feel a little hungry, that’s why I’m here!” He explained._

_“Do you enjoy reading?” Tsukishima confessed he was shocked by the piece of information Yuuji just gave him, if you looked at the guy’s appearance you would never say he liked to read,_ especially _after Tsukishima noticed the guy had a tongue piercing._

_“Ah, surprising huh? Because of my appearance right?” He laughed, “I do enjoy reading books, but I was looking for biology books”_

_“Biology?” Tsukishima couldn’t help but pry._

_“I never told you what I’m majoring in right?” He paused, and looked at his sides with a faint blush on his cheeks, “Veterinary medicine”_

_“Huh?” Was what came out of Tsukishima’s mouth._

_“Ah, I know ok?! It’s embarrassing enough to tell anyone this!” He blushed even more, “I can’t help it… I love animals…”_

_And then, Tsukishima laughed. Not just a small smile, that was his usual when he was in a good mood, a genuine laugh, making even his tummy hurt a bit._

_“That’s so_ cute _” He said while he still laughed._

_He surely would spend some more time, but reality hit him. Oh shit, I actually said that loud. Tsukishima thought embarrassed. He expected the guy to be mad, but when he looked at Yuuji’s face he felt surprised._

_It was bright red, from ear to ear, and he looked surprised too._

_“Hmm…” Tsukishima wanted to say something but nothing came to his mind._

_“C-cute?” Yuuji asked, still red._

_“A-ah, not in a mocking way I swear!” Tsukishima tried to put into words his thoughts, but that was being way harder than it should be, probably from years of hiding what he really felt, “I just find really adorable that you like animals, it’s a good thing!” He didn’t know if he was doing a good job, because Yuuji only looked more and more embarrassed._

_Yuuji didn’t say anything more and Tsukishima decided that he would only mess up even more if he stayed close to the guy._

_“A-anyway… I should get going, my teammates might get worried that I’m late.” He bowed a little and started to make his way to school._

_When he arrived the first that talked was Hinata, “Tsukishima? Are you ok? Why’re you so red?”_

_Irritated and flustered everything that he could answer was “Shut up”._

 

_xx_

 

_The fourth time Tsukishima met Yuuji was one week later. This time, totally intentional. Yuuji was waiting for Tsukishima at the school gates._

_"Onii-chan! What are you doing here again?" Hitoka asked him surprised._

_"Ah, Hitoka... Just wanted to talk a bit with Kei"_

_"Tsukishima-san? Why?" She was confused,_ theoretically _, her brother wasn't close to her friend._

_"I'll tell you later" he smiled, "Kei, are you free now?"_

_Tsukishima was silent on the entire conversation of the siblings, a bit surprised that Yuuji wanted to talk to him at the same time he was curious about what would it be about._

_"Ah, yes..." He answered still a bit confused._

_"Good... See you later Hitoka" he waved at her, "let's go?"_

_They started to walk, Tsukishima only following Yuuji since he didn't know where they were going. After a while with both of them silent, Kei decided that he should try to say something, the quietness was being too much for him to handle._

_"Hmm... Yuuji-san? Where are we going?" He asked still hesitating._

_"Ah, sorry! I didn't explain anything..." Yuuji said while he showed a nervous smile, "Just going to a park I like, I want to talk to you"_

_Tsukishima decided to not say anything more, waiting for Yuuji to start talking instead. About 5 minutes later they arrived at the park and decided to sit on a bench._

_"So... I've been thinking of talking with you since we met last week" Yuuji decided to start, he saw the confusing look on Tsukishima's face, and continued to talk, "I think you're pretty confused right now, right?"_

_"Well, I guess I can't disagree with you" Kei stated, making Yuuji chuckle._

_"I won't take more of your time" he breathed profoundly, "I like you Kei, a lot"_

_Tsukishima heard what Yuuji said, but his mind didn't seem to process what he was saying, his eyes widened in shock, but his mouth couldn't manage to form any word._

_"Ahh... I still don't believe I'm saying this" Yuuji said while putting his hands in front of his mouth and nose in embarrassment, "Kei, will you date me?”_

_“Yes” the answer was immediate, even Tsukishima was_ surprised, _before his mouth didn’t seem to accompany his thoughts, but now it talked before he could even think about it._

_Kei wished he could have filmed Yuuji’s reaction to that moment, the shocked eyes from the fast answer, the blush increasing on his cheeks, the messy smile forming on his face, the hands that covered his mouth before in embarrassment now covering both of his eyes in a mix of disbelief and happiness. Tsukishima felt overwhelmed, it was too many things happening at once, the sudden confession and his fast response, the sight of Yuuji’s mess of feelings made his heart jump even harder, what was he supposed to do now?_

_But before he could do anything, he saw it, the tears running down Yuuji’s face, his eyes were covered by his hands, but he definitely could see the small drops falling of his red cheeks. He was surprised actually, he didn’t take Yuuji to be one to cry like this. He slowly approached the_ man _and put his own hands gently above Yuuji’s hands._

_“Why are you crying?” He said in a whisper._

_“I’m just happy, I didn’t actually_ think _you would accept it…” his voice failed here and there, making Tsukishima laugh._

_“Look at me… Yuuji-san” Tsukishima tried to pull Yuuji’s hands away from his eyes, though he didn’t need to make much force since Yuuji himself took it out._

_Yuuji could expect many things, but not the fond smile and slightly red cheeks on Tsukishima’s face. He looked at Tsukishima in the eyes, and he met loving eyes, looking directly at him. If Yuuji had to say one thing he didn’t like about Tsukishima, it would be their height difference, but now with both sitting on a bench, there was no such difference at all, making he slowly approach his now boyfriend._

_When Tsukishima noticed Yuuji approaching him, he unconsciously tried to get some space between them, but Yuuji’s hands, now resting on his cheeks, locked his face so he couldn’t get further. Tsukishima could feel his heart beat increase, and panic took his body over, and it didn’t take long so his own lips touched Yuuji’s. When they met, everything vanished from Kei’s mind, every thought, every doubt._

_At first, only their lips touched, but after some moments, that seemed like infinite on Tsukishima’s mind, Yuuji tried to put his tongue inside Tsukishima’s mouth, making the younger boy jump a little in surprise, Yuuji noticing that decided to stop the kiss. He pulled_ off _but immediately brought his hands to Tsukishima’s waist, pulling him closer in a messy hug, since they were sitting beside each other in an uncomfortable_ _park bench, that luckily didn’t have anyone there to see the scene._

_Tsukishima rested his face on the crook of Yuuji’s neck, enjoying the warmth and the faint smell of cologne. After some time like this, just relaxing in the arms of each other, still taking in every piece of new information, Yuuji started to laugh._

_“I was so uncool” and he laughed, seeing him laugh made Tsukishima start to giggle too._

 

_xx_

 

_After 4 years dating Yuuji, Kei didn't have anything to complain about the guy. He was a bit too clingy? Yes, but Tsukishima could ignore it and pay attention to the amount of love he received instead. Now with 20 years, Tsukishima was almost finishing university, he still lived with his parents, and didn’t tell them about dating Yuuji, he was scared if being honest, when Yuuji told his parents about Kei it didn’t end up well, so he was afraid that the same would happen to him._

_After 4 years of an amazing relationship with Yuuji, he started to feel like things were falling apart, but he still had hope that everything would go back to normal, he still believed the same words when he received his ring, Yuuji loved him and nothing would change this fact, so he believes in it with all his strengths. Things weren’t the same though._

_After Yuuji told his parents about Kei, everything was chaos, at first, they expelled Yuuji from home, making him stay some days in Tsukishima’s house, passing as a friend. After Hitoka begged them so much, they let Yuuji go back home, but he’s house wasn’t the same. He never had a good relationship with his parents, his mom was too rigid, nothing was good, and everything was their fault, his father wasn’t someone talkative, he never once showed that he cared for his own kids, it didn’t seem that they loved each other too, Yuuji always knew, that their marriage was fake, it was only convenient._

_But for the first time, they started to argue, every day now. He and Hitoka had to bear all the yells and the sounds of things breaking, they could hear how his parents couldn’t stand seeing each other anymore. What was before a cold home always silent, now it was a violent one, and he couldn’t decide which was the worse. The inevitable happened, it’s not like Yuuji didn’t know that they would eventually divorce, he just didn’t expect to be so fast._

_It was like a bomb for Yuuji, his parent's divorce and now he would live with his father. Not that I pained him that much, what was more difficult was to leave Hitoka with his mom, he wanted to live with Hitoka, she was his little sister, the one who could understand everything that was going on, the one that supported his relationship with Kei, he wanted to be with her, and he couldn’t even imagine how much suffering she would be in his mom’s hands, if she was a bad mom to Yuuji, she surely was a devil one to Hitoka, he never understood why his mom was harsher with Hitoka than with him, and to imagine that things were just getting worse made him feel sick._

_But even so, he still had Kei. His moonlight, the one that gives reason to his life, the one that would hug and comfort him when he felt like nothing would go right, he loved him so much, he couldn’t think of a life without Kei by his side, and he would do anything for him, even not moving out. He had money, after one year working as a veterinarian (still in training though) he managed to save up, but as much as he wanted to just move away from his father and live with the love of his life, he couldn’t. He had to think about Kei’s future too, the guy still had to finish his own university, he wouldn’t let himself make it even more difficult for Kei. One year he thought, only one year._

 

_xx_

 

_Surely, it was only one year, but it was a hell for Yuuji, his father who was always distant and cold, now was an alcoholic violent man, he would beat Yuuji when he wasn’t feeling well, he would attack him verbally and physically. This and the amount of work starting to grow made Yuuji anxious, he always thought hew was someone who could deal well with his own feelings, now? He started to doubt it, panic attacks happened when he remembered his father, sweat, and tears forming when he remembered his words._

_“It’s your fault that me and your mom divorced! Now I’m in shit and this is all your fault you faggot” A kick, a punch, Yuuji couldn’t count them, “Just because you like to be fucked”_

_Deep breaths were heard, Yuuji didn’t dare move, then he heard a sound of metal clashing, looking at his father he saw him trying to get his belt out, “You like being fucked right? So there’s nothing to worry” He panicked, and he did the first thing he mind could think of doing, he runs. He didn’t even bother grabbing a shoe, he just runs. Away from that house, away from his father._

_He vomited with the thought of his father attempting to rape him. He was a mess, blood and vomit made him look terrible. He didn’t have anywhere to go, his mom and Hitoka lived too far, and even knowing that it would probably be a bad idea, he decided to go to Kei. He just needed to go there, he needed his Kei to tell him that everything would be alright, that he would never see his father again, that everything would be alright, that even after everything Kei still loved him. He just needed it, his Kei._

_He dragged his feet until he_ arrived _at the house of the Tsukishima’s, it was nothing rich, but at least it seemed like a normal family. Hesitantly he pressed the doorbell, after some time he heard the door being opened._

_“Yachi-_ kun _?!” He heard Tsukishima’s mom surprised. “Kei! Please come here!” She yelled high enough so Kei could hear her, she was left speechless, what should she do when her son’s friend appeared on her door, with bruises and blood all over?_

_When Tsukishima arrived his eyes widen in horror, he had never seen Yuuji so bad, bruises were things he could see often, but this was a whole different level. He didn’t say anything, only grabbed the boy by his wrist and guided him to the bathroom, “You” tears started to appear on Tsukishima’s eyes, “are going to take a bath, after I will hear everything about it”._

_He was surprised Tsukishima cried, but he did as Kei said, he slowly showered first, getting rid of all the blood and vomit, at the same time being careful because it fucking hurts so much._

_After showering, he entered the bathtub, the events of the night started to replay on his head, he could only think about the pain and the panic that overwhelmed him, he just stayed there, he didn’t know how long though, but it must have been a long time because Kei suddenly barged in with wide eyes and messy hair._

_“Oh… I’m sorry for entering, is just that it took so long and I got worried”._

_Usually, Yuuji would make one or two dirty jokes, but he simply stayed quiet. He couldn’t bring himself to be his usual happy, everything was being too much, he couldn’t bear it all anymore. Kei seeing that Yuuji wasn’t going to reply decided to give the guy privacy again._

_Knowing he had stayed in the bath for too long, he decided to go out, drying himself with a soft towel and putting some clothes he though it was Kei’s, he brought the shirt to his nose and sniffed a bit, yes definitely Kei’s smell. He put the clothes, and immediately felt strange, the shirt was a bit tight for him, but the pants were bigger. When he got out he saw Kei waiting for him, in front of the door, Was he here the whole time? He couldn’t help but think._

_“I already talked to mom… Let’s go to my room” Again, Tsukishima grabbed his wrist and guided him._

_Entering Tsukishima’s house wasn’t anything new to Yuuji, he already spent some time here when his parents expelled him from home after all. There was already a futon layer on the floor, even if they were boyfriends, they had to be careful_ with _Kei’s parents to not discover after all._

_“So… You want to talk about it?” Tsukishima asked softly while looking directly at Yuuji’s eyes. Immediately after Kei said it, Yuuji started crying._

_Tsukishima surprised pulled the guy for a hug, he hugged him tightly while he heard the sobs and the incoherent words, he never saw Yuuji so fragile in their whole relationship, the guy trembled and couldn’t breathe properly, making Tsukishima’s mind enter in alert, he never saw anyone passing t]hrough a panic attack, everything that he knew were from books or television programs about the issue, so he tried his best to maintain his calm, hugging the boy he loved so much even more tightly, making small caress on the guy’s hair and back, saying sweet words in his ears, everything that he could think of doing to make Yuuji relax._

_“I was so scared Kei” He finally managed to say something, and Tsukishima decided that he shouldn’t talk anything and let Yuuji talk at his own rhythm._

_“At first, he was only beating me like normal, but then he suddenly said that I liked to be fucked” Yuuji stopped there, his breath starting to get more irregular again._

_“Shh… It’s ok… Everything is ok, I’m here” Kei reassured the guy, trying his best so Yuuji would be calm, damn he felt so useless, like always._

_“He tried to rape me Kei” Yuuji uncontrollably cried, and Tsukishima honestly didn’t know what to do, he felt like beating the shit out of that damned old man, but he knew it wouldn’t fix anything._

_“He wasn’t like that Kei, he was a bit cold but normal! What if it happens to me too? What if I turn to be exactly like him?” He cried even more._

_“There’s no way this is going to happen Yuuji, you love me don’t you?”_

_“But what if I turn to be alcoholic just like him? Oh God Kei… What if I ever beat you? I don’t want this Kei, I want us to be happy” Yuuji sobbed, trying to get even more close to Tsukishima, feel his warmth, his smell, his affection._

_“You won’t… I know it… And even if one day this_ happens _, I’ll always be by your side, always and always” Tsukishima said, putting Yuuji's head in the crook of his neck, caressing slowly his blond hair._

_"Kei..."_

_"What?" Tsukishima tried to maintain his voice as soft as possible._

_"Promise you'll always be by my side? No matter what? I don't want to be alone Kei” Yuuji said with a broken voice, hugging Tsukishima as close as it was possible._

_“I promise Yuuji” Kei simply said, he never even felt attracted to anyone who wasn’t Yuuji in his whole life, and honestly? Yuuji was the best thing that happened in his life, he would never let him go._

_“I love you Kei” With a much calmer voice, Yuuji whispered the words in Tsukishima’s ear._

_“I love you too”_

 

_xx_

 

_It was finally the day, after two weeks since Tsukishima’s graduation he and Yuuji decided that it was finally time to talk with Tsukishima’s parents about their relationship. Even if Kei knew that his parents weren’t really open-minded, he didn’t think they would do anything too harsh, after all, they were a calm couple, never used violence or verbal abuse against Kei. Even though he really wanted his boyfriend to be by his side when he talked about the situation, he thought it would be best if he did it alone, he could handle it. So that night, when he and his parents were having dinner, he decided that he should finally talk._

_“Mom, Dad… I have something to tell you guys…” Tsukishima started, avoiding eye contact, looking at the mini tomato on his plate._

_“Sure son, go ahead” His dad incentivized Kei, and he actually wondered what was going inside his father’s head at that moment, he finally_ deciding _to move out?_ He _having a job offer?_

_“So… You two remember Yuuji, right?” He felt his voice almost cracking._

_“Yes, of_ course _, dear…” His mom replied, suddenly being tense._

_“Well… we’re dating” And that was it, he didn’t have a clue on how to talk about this, so he just decided to be direct._

_SIlence, a long moment of silence. When no one talked anything, Kei decided to look at his parents face, firstly he looked at his mom, and suddenly felt guilty._

_She had tears in her eyes, mouth trembling and red_ cheeks, _as if she was holding her breath to not let any sound escape. After seeing the scene, he looked at his father, or at least he attempted_ to, _because as soon as he tried to look at the older Tsukishima he felt a punch on his face._

_After it, he only remembered pain, blood,_ and _screams._

_“How could it be?! We raised you so well, and now this is what you return to us!? You unthankful bastard!” The voice of the older Tsukishima, who never raised his voice, echoed to the house. Kei was scared, to be honest, so scared he couldn’t move one finger, he looked at his mom who was silent, she suddenly got out of the room, letting him and his father alone._

_“I raised you to be someone respectful, not some promiscuous whore!” Despite the yelling and the punch, the man started crying. “Why did it have to happen? What did I do wrong God?” His father cried, and seeing he say that it was his fault broke Tsukishima’s heart even more. He suddenly regretted telling them, regretted falling in love with Yuuji, if he didn’t then everything would be alright now, right? Yuuji wouldn’t have to deal with his father, because the divorce would never have happened, and Tsukishima wouldn’t be seeing the scene of the older man crying._

_His mother appeared again, now with a suitcase in hands._

_“Here’s your clothes and your books, now go away, and don’t even think of contacting us again” Tsukishima’s eyes watered when he saw the disgust and the disappointment on his mother’s eyes, making him miss all the warm smiles and the smell of a_ freshly _baked strawberry shortcake._

_He grabbed the suitcase and headed to the door, “I’m sorry” He managed to tell them._

_“Don’t be, life will teach you your mistake” The rude tone of his mother’s voice made his legs weak, he suddenly felt like he couldn’t move, but he had_ to, _if he didn’t want another punch._

_And when he got out of that house, he never saw his parents face again._

 

_xx_

 

_Yuuji and he were in Tokyo now, they decided to move out cities, getting away from all those toxic people, and Yuuji missed his sister that now lived in the big city with her mom. They found a good apartment and decided to look for a job there. Everything was fine now, that’s what they thought. Hitoka visited them almost every weekend, and they had fun, drinking, talking or complaining about their jobs._

_As expected, Hitoka was suffering even more now, her mom decided that giving his daughter slaps and yells was a good way to relieve her stress. Hitoka worked as a freelancer, but she had a good name in social media, making her work valuable and enough to pay for her expenses without depending of her mom’s money, but she also couldn’t move out now, Kiyoko was still trying to convince her parents that she could live alone without problems, and Yuuji and Tsukishima would listen to Hitoka’s daydreams about how their home would be. The soft way she talked about Kiyoko made them soft too, she just talked with so much love and passion that they couldn’t help but be happy for her too._

_Things were going well, even though Yuuji would still have nightmares about the time his father tried to rape him, or panic attacks when Tsukishima run out of battery and didn’t answer Yuuji’s calls, Yuuji always thought that Kei would abandon him someday, because he was just too good to be true to him._

_Tsukishima could handle it, always. He would soothe his worries away, and tell pretty words to make him feel better._

_Everything was fine… Until Yuuji lost his job, the place he worked went bankrupt, making his life turn upside down._

_They still had Tsukishima’s job and some money saved, but days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and when they noticed, all their saves ended. Tsukishima saw his boyfriend losing a bit of himself, of his soul, every time he woke up and saw Kei preparing to go to work, because before they had their routine, they would get dressed together, make their breakfast together with smiles and happiness, but now? Now he stayed on the bed watching Kei dress his shirt and tie his necktie perfectly, I used to tie it for him he couldn’t help to think, breakfast with smiles was nowhere to be seen, replaced by the bags under Tsukishima’s eyes. He hated it, he hated trying endless job interviews and getting rejected in all of them._

_He missed his job, he missed the smiles on the costumer’s face when he told that their pet would be alright, he missed playing with the animals, he missed caressing the fur of the animals after a surgery that would make them healthy again, he missed the children’s face when they saw their pet arriving again. He missed it all, and there was nothing he could do to change his situation, he tried so many jobs, and none of them accepted him._

_He looked at the fridge, trying to find something to eat, he didn’t find anything that made him happy, they were being more careful with the expenses now. But he saw the beers, and thought to himself just one won’t be a problem, right?_

_One wasn’t a problem, but it soon turned into a lot, his eyes were hazy and for the first time in 7 months, he didn’t feel the suffocating feeling in his chest. When Tsukishima arrived home, Yuuji cried, letting all his feelings overflow, he was tired from everything, he didn’t want to feel like this anymore. And Tsukishima as always was perfect, he listened and talked only the necessary, he hugged and he let Yuuji feel secure._

_The next time Yuuji drank was two weeks later, he was mad at something he didn’t know what was and decided that if he drank he would forget about it. He thought that his anger would go away, but actually, it only increased. When Tsukishima arrived home, he complained about the mess the kitchen was, that was normal, Tsukishima and Yuuji would always complain about a little thing here and there, he just didn’t expect what came next._

_That was the first time Yuuji hit him, a punch in the face only. After he realized what he made and saw the pained eyes of Tsukishima and the blood dripping from his nose, he begged for forgiveness, promising it wouldn’t happen again, he cried and cleaned Tsukishima’s face, trying to fix what he did. He was so ashamed of himself, how could he have done it to Kei? His Kei? The Kei he promised he would never hurt?_

_Tsukishima that night didn’t try to soothe Yuuji’s worries away or tell pretty words. He only remained silent._

_The silence remained for 4 days, until Yuuji exploded again, with alcohol running on his blood._

_“You’re thinking of leaving me aren’t you?” He yelled, he was mad at Tsukishima who wouldn’t look at him anymore._

_“Of course I’m not! I promised I would always be here for you didn’t I?!” Tsukishima wished he hadn’t_ said _anything, because only more punched and kicks arrived._

_“Then why you’re not… Forget it” Tsukishima heard the slam of the door, he looked at his broken cell phone, now he couldn’t make any calls._

_But it was ok, everything would be ok after some time, he was sure of it._

_Time passed, they had to move to another apartment, a smaller but cheaper one. And after that, Yuuji just stopped trying, he didn’t look for jobs anymore, and he started to demand more and more money of Tsukishima. He started to drink more, fool around more, and beat Tsukishima more._

_Things were never ok again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next chapter I guess? if anyone is still interested in this fanfic I mean... I think there's no one haha...


	12. Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! Here's another chapter! I'm planning to finish this fanfic before the end of the year, I don't know if it's possible but I'll try my best!!
> 
> Thank you for reading and here is a new chapter!!

Tsukishima couldn’t deny the truth, as much as he would like to, he couldn’t deny that he was attracted to Kuroo Tetsurou, the weird guy who trusted his cat enough to tell if someone was dangerous or not, the strange guy who bought a can of coffee to a stranger in the middle of the night, the kind guy who let him be himself without judging him.  This was new to Tsukishima, he never felt attracted to anyone who wasn’t Yuuji, and he honestly never thought his heart could beat as fast as when he was a dumb teenager who still believed in what people said.

And honestly? He believed every word Kuroo said, believed that he truly liked him, but even if he believed it, it wouldn’t change anything, even if he liked Kuroo too, he wouldn’t date him. He wanted it, he wanted to feel safe again, he was tired of the cold treatment, the cold home, the cold bed, he didn’t want it anymore, he wanted the warmth of Kuroo’s embrace, the sweetness of his words, the gentle smiles, he wanted it all. But he couldn’t.

He made a promise, and he wasn’t planning to break it. Just the simple thought of Kuroo’s touches made his feelings go wild, but at the same time, he felt guilty, for feeling like this, for wanting more, in the end, Tsukishima was just another selfish guy. Even now, looking at Kuroo’s desperate eyes, he knew what he should do, he didn’t have any hesitation, no doubts.

Kuroo Tetsurou was a strong guy, who looked like had already suffered enough with love issues, he didn’t deserve to suffer even more with Tsukishima’s broken self, he wasn’t what could make this other man, who managed to steal his heart, happy. Now with the rejection he would suffer? Probably, but it was for the best. He was strong, Yuuji was not. He promised Yuuji he would never leave him alone, he felt sick just thinking about what Yuuji was capable of doing if he didn’t stay with him. He didn’t love Yuuji anymore, as much as it pained him to admit it.

He cared for him, for his well being, he had marvelous memories with the guy, and he surely made his teen days brighter, but now? Bright days were gone, smiles were nowhere seen. He didn’t want it anymore, but he was surely going to endure it all. Until one of them dies, or until Yuuji doesn’t want him by his side anymore. Tsukishima wasn’t one to make promises, but when he did, he would do everything to accomplish them.

When he looked at Kuroo’s eyes, he felt his determination vanish for a second, but he had to be strong, for Kuroo, for Yuuji, for himself. Tsukishima was calmer now, he looked at the ring he angrily put on the table, he breathed for a few seconds, trying to put his thoughts into words, before he began speaking.

He said everything, every detail, every moment, all his happiness, and all the sadness.

And Kuroo only heard.

 

xx

 

His hands were still holding Tsukishima’s, listening every detail of his story, looking carefully to Kei’s face, seeing every kind of emotion on his expressions, the embarrassment, the happiness when he talked about his ring, the pain when he talked about Yuuji’s dad, and the disappointment when he talked about the first time Yuuji beat him.

It was too much information, everything was too much for Kuroo, he didn’t expect things to be this hard to Tsukishima. Sure, he knew something really bad have happened, but now listening about it in details made his throat close, like if he wasn’t breathing at all. Everything just happened to make sense now, and he didn’t know if he could say that Yuuji was an asshole with as much conviction as he thought before. But looking at Tsukishima's bruised neck, he still couldn't forgive the guy, even if he knew all his suffering, he couldn't stand the thought of Tsukishima living all his life like this.

"I'm so sorry for this Tsukishima..." He gulped as he looked at Tsukishima's broken eyes, "I'm really sorry, I don't really know what I should tell you, because I can say everything, but it still won't change anything".

"I know Kuroo-san" Tsukishima knew, he was aware of the pressure he just out in Kuroo's shoulders, and he didn't expect it to change anything, he just wanted to convince Kuroo that he should just leave Tsukishima alone, "I know..."

Honestly, Tsukishima expected Kuroo to just let him go now, he wanted to leave, he wasn't confident that he would be able to reject him once more if he spent much more time there, especially when Kuroo's hands were still wrapping his.

He suddenly felt something moving on his legs, it was Momo, rubbing her neck on Tsukishima's ankle.

"Momo..." He whispered softly.

"Kei" the sudden call of his first name made him startled, "I'm sure you won't like what I'll say next, but I don't care"

Kei felt his hands sweat with nervousness, he was afraid of what would happen, he just needs to get out of Kuroo's place, of Kuroo's presence, of everything that reminded him of Kuroo.

"If you don't tell the police about this... I will" Kuroo said looking directly at Tsukishima's eyes, wanting to make sure that he understood perfectly what he meant.

Tsukishima was silent, his mind didn't seem to process what Kuroo just said. He didn't want to believe it.

"What did you just said?!" Tsukishima was infuriated with what Kuroo said, he wanted him to live him alone, not to threaten him.

He got up from the chair in direction of the door. He was absolutely mad with Kuroo now, he didn't want to see his face.

"Wait, Tsukishima!" Kuroo startled, "Kei! Don't go!". The amount of irritation that Kei had in his voice was equivalent of the desperation in Kuroo's.

"And what, Kuroo!? What will you say now?" Tsukishima was holding the door's handle, ready to go out of that place, "what authority do you have to intrude on my life? It's my life Kuroo! I decide what I do, you don't have any right to do this absurd!" 

"It's the logic thing to do!" He still tried to put some sense into the blond's head.

"I've had enough..." The taller man was tired of all that discussion, he just wanted to go home now. He started to open the door when he felt his body suddenly being hugged.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry Tsukki... Let's just calm ourselves for now, what do you think?" He didn't want to give in so easily, but he didn't have a choice now.

"You won't tell the police?" Kei asked after calming himself for a bit. He was ashamed to admit, but even in that situation Kuroo's warm body was so incredibly comfortable to hug, his shoulder seemed to be just the right height to rest his forehead in it. He wished to pull a little bit closer, a little bit tighter. But he didn't, he couldn't give in right now.

"I won't... I promise" He immediately felt Tsukishima's body relax, and he decided to take advantage of the situation to hug him a little bit closer. He actually felt really shitty for doing such a thing, but he couldn't resist when he had Tsukishima there, not resisting to his hug.

He looked at Tsukishima's bruised neck and felt like crying. It was so bruised and looked so hurt, he couldn't imagine the pain Tsukishima was feeling right now. He looked at a bite mark, he wished he could just heal it, and cursed himself for not having a first aid kit on his house. He planted a little, innocent kiss on the mark, and he heard Tsukishima squeak.

"Kei, please... Let's just...try it out? For two... No, one week! Try to live with me for only one week! If you don't like it, you can go back to Yuuji and I promise you I won't talk to you ever again, nor I will tell the police about this"

Tsukishima knew what to say, he had to refuse it. It was simple, just saying ‘no’ would be enough, it wasn’t that difficult, right?

Wrong.

His mouth deceived his brain and almost immediately answered with the wrong word, “ok…”

And Tsukishima saw it, the way that Kuroo’s face lit up, the way that a small, relieved smile appeared, the way that fondness could be seen in his eyes. And Tsukishima was overwhelmed by it, he wanted to cry, hug and kiss Kuroo at the same time. It’s been so much time that he felt loved that it was being simply too much for him to handle.

After noticing that he was spending too much time hugging Tsukishima, Kuroo finally let go of the embrace, and he wouldn’t be lying if he said he already missed the feel of Tsukishima’s body against him.

But Kuroo remembered something that he actually didn’t want to, even though he knew he had to ask, if not, things would only get more troublesome later, “Tsukki… What about Yuuji?” And he could swear he saw a pained look in Tsukishima’s eyes, just for a second, just for a moment, but enough to make his heart clench.

“He’ll be away… for some time” Tsukishima wasn’t lying, that much Kuroo knew, but he too was aware the blond man wasn’t saying all the truth, but he decided to not force him to talk, their night was already stressful enough.

Tsukishima didn’t tell Kuroo what happened before he met him this night. He and Yuuji had had an argument, that much Kuroo knew, it was obvious just looking at his own face.

Yuuji was gone, not forever, only for a month, the guy had taken all their saved up money and bought a plane ticket to go travel. He never said where. Tsukishima was too confused to even argue with him, he only heard, his face and neck were hurting too much for him to speak too. Yuuji had just done this to him, after him venting all his frustrations on Tsukishima getting closer to another person, and making him swear he would end that bond that same night. He said he was tired of the same things of Tokyo, he wanted to experience new sensations, new things, (new people, Tsukishima thought bitterly). And with that, the guy was gone. Leaving a tired, hurt and confused Tsukishima behind.

What could he say in that situation? It was still unreal on his mind, Yuuji never showed much interest in traveling, so the news came from nowhere. His mind couldn’t stop wondering what were his real intentions behind it, because it just didn’t make any sense to Tsukishima why the guy would do this. So instead of thinking, he did what he promised and went to meet Kuroo to end whatever they had. Well… That was his intention, not that it happened in reality.

Kuroo noticing that Tsukishima was lost in thoughts decided to say something, “Hey… So, I’ll make something for us, what do you wanna eat?” He noticed the blond man being snapped from his thoughts and almost chuckled at the sight. 

“Ah… Whatever you want to Kuroo-san” He knew it wasn’t the answer the raven man was looking for, but he honestly didn’t know what to eat, after so many things happening he didn’t even know if he wanted to eat, or just go sleep to forget it all, even if for some hours, if nightmares didn’t come to haunt him that is.

Kuroo sighed, “Is curry good?” And Tsukishima nodded, silent agreeing to him. 

While he waited for the curry be done, Tsukishima sat in Kuroo’s couch, where he was looking at whatever the tv was playing, even though he wasn’t really paying attention, not much time later he felt something warm against his hips, looking at its owner he saw Momo, she was lazily rubbing against him, looking for some affection. He gave it a small smile and started petting her head and ears slowly, taking care to not hurt her. 

As time passed he felt his eyelids getting heavier, and not much time later he slept. He was tired, after all, the physical pain took all his energy, and all the emotional talk got him tired.

 

Kuroo noticed Tsukishima had fallen asleep, he still finished doing the curry, saving it for the next day. As soon as he finished cooking, he went to look at the blond man, his eyes were puffy, and his face swollen, he would say it was still the most beautiful view he ever had, that is, if he didn’t have so many bruises across his cheeks and neck.

He took the man in his arms in a messy bride style, and sighed in relief when he noticed Tsukishima was heavier than when they first met, meaning he was being serious that his health was better. He put the man in his bed, taking care to not wake him as he covered him with a soft blanket. Kuroo then prepared himself to sleep in his coach, almost crying when he thought about his back this week, but it would be worth it. Tsukishima was always worth everything.

 

xx

 

The first day was tense, neither of them knew what to talk about, Tsukishima was still embarrassed because of the previous day, and Kuroo didn’t want to force a conversation Kei wouldn’t want. So both of them did nothing, that is until Kuroo had to go to work, unfortunately, private matters didn’t really matter to his boss, he would still ask for some days off in the next week. So all the day Tsukishima spent his time watching some anime from Kuroo’s collection, it has been so much time since he last saw one that he didn’t even know what to watch, so he chose one that he remembered from his teenage days and saw it for the nostalgia.

Unlike Kuroo who had to go to work, Tsukishima had asked previously for some days off, since he knew he couldn’t go to work with so many bruises, so he only took enough days for him to heal. 

When Kuroo arrived, they warmed up the curry and ate it, still on their awkward silence. And as much as Tsukishima insisted that Kuroo had the bed, he still refused, leaving Tsukishima to sleep in his bed again.

The second day was better, they small talked and watched tv together, this time the silence was still predominant, but unlike the previous day, this one the silence was warm, comfortable, something that made Tsukishima happy.

In the third things finally were finally normal, Kuroo would crack a joke or two, Tsukishima was as salty as ever, but Kuroo knew that it was the way he was when he was comfortable around someone, they talked about a lot of things, Hitoka, their jobs, Momo, and Kuroo even told him everything about Bokuto’s crush, things seemed to be going well for him. This time, they made lunch and dinner together while listening to some music and talking more freely.

In the fourth, everything seemed out from a cheesy romance movie, Tsukishima actually smiled sometimes and talked more too, everything was too perfect. Tsukishima’s heart squeezed when he thought about leaving, because Kuroo was just what he needed, just what he wanted, but he still felt the heaviness of Yuuji on his back. The day was perfect, fun, comfortable and cozy. That is until the call.

Then Tsukishima’s world crumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be so so happy if you leave a comment! It's the only thing that makes me still write tbh
> 
>  
> 
> love you all <3


	13. Crystal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... I don't know what to say??? This is a pretty angsty chapter so be prepared, I'll also update some tags, because well... this fic totally changed its initial course!!
> 
> Also... I'm kind of sorry?? For what is going to happen

He saw Hitoka calling him, so Tsukishima stopped talking about whatever he and Kuroo were talking about. 

_ "Tsukishima-san, we need to talk..."  _ Yachi talked in a pained voice, almost as if she was crying just before calling.

"Yachi-san? What? What happened? Are you fine?" Hearing the worried voice of Tsukishima made Kuroo nervous, he looked at the blonde man who was suddenly tense.

_ "I... I don't even know how to say it..."  _ She was breathless, couldn't even talk properly and Tsukishima only got more anxious about what would it be.

"It's ok... Deep breaths remember? Breathe slowly and calm yourself, I'll wait here don't worry" he heard her taking deep breaths just like he said and when she calmed enough to be able to speak she started again.

" _ Tsukishima-san... Yuuji-niichan was found dead in your apartment..."  _ So he froze. He didn't speak, he didn't cry, he doesn't even remember blinking, his breath was stuck in his throat and suddenly the urge to throw up was right there.

_ "It seemed... That it was suicide..."  _ And then Tsukishima panicked, breathing was hard, he trembled but he couldn't feel his body, tears started to roll across his pale cheeks and his vision started to blurry. He knew he was having a panic attack, he remembered everything he told Yuuji to do when he was like this, but it seemed that he couldn't apply it in himself.

He saw Kuroo taking his phone but he couldn't care less, he was trying his best to take air to his lungs, but it didn't seem efficient.

"Explain me what happened Hitoka-chan" Kuroo's voice was serious and he was genuinely worried about what had made Tsukishima so anxious.

_ "Yuuji-niichan. Suicide. Their apartment."  _ Not even she was breathing correctly, she was trying her best to convey what she wanted to say between gasps and sobs. She didn't say much, but it was enough for Kuroo to understand what was going on. For a moment he was lost, he had two people he cared deeply having a panic attack and he didn't know what he could say to calm they both.

Not that he wasn't shaken by the piece of information, he felt genuine pity of Yuuji, though he didn't bring himself to forgive him, he wasn't a saint, he couldn't just forget, but he knew that suicide was something someone did only when hope didn't exist anymore.

He felt pity, but he cared more about two of the most important people in his life than the death of someone he despised. People can say that he has a cold heart, but right now? He couldn’t give a fuck.

"Hitoka-chan? Are you still there?" He said, giving his best so his voice wouldn't tremble, right now he needed to be their safe spot, he couldn't show weakness, not now. After hearing a small noise of agreement he sighed relieved. "Ok, Hitoka-chan I need you to hear me ok? Don't let go of the cell phone, stay with me." He still could hear her trembling breath, but it was obvious she was doing her best to concentrate in his voice.

"Everything is going to be ok, ok? I'm here, Bokuto is here, even Tsukki will be here, you're going to be fine, I swear to you." While he talked as calmly as he could, he too embraced Tsukishima's trembling body, not too strong, to not overwhelm him, but enough to say  _ I'm here _ . "Look, I know he's special to you, but right now? We should all calm ourselves, we can discuss the details after we calm down, how does this sound? I'll be here to hear everything you want to say." He was talking not only to Hitoka now but also to Tsukishima, he hoped he was still listening to something at all. After some time of silence, he asked again.

“Hitoka-chan? Are you there? Is someone with you right now?” He wanted to take care of Tsukishima but he couldn’t just hang up the call when one of his best friends just lost her brother.

_ “No… I’m sorry, you- you don’t need to come here ok? Take… Take care of Tsukki for me, I’ll be f-fine”  _ And with that, she ended the call. 

Kuroo truly wanted to comfort his friend, from the bottom of his heart, but he didn’t even know where she was… Was she at home? Well… where was her home, after all, he’s never been there.

He could worry about her later, now he had to calm a trembling Tsukishima, he hesitantly grabbed one of Tsukishima’s hands, only a hand now, he didn’t want to make the guy even more anxious by suddenly hugging him.

“Hey, Tsukki? I’m here… you can cry all you want just, please… please calm down a bit.” Crying was a thing, having a panic attack was other. He wrapped both of his hands in Tsukishima’s cold ones, trying to make him shiver less, though that seems inefficient. He sat a little bit closer, putting a hand gently on the blond’s back, drawing small circles as if saying  _ I’m here.  _

When he noticed the trembles were stopping he took the opportunity to hug him, strong, warm, and comforting. And after a few minutes, Tsukishima’s breath was back at normal, he still cried, he still choked on his own words, unable to say anything, but at least the feeling of drowning faded.

And Kuroo just stood there, he hugged, he comforted, but he didn’t say anything, he knew words wouldn’t be efficient now, it would only make Tsukishima feel more guilty about everything. He wishes he could say something, some magic words that suddenly would heal Tsukishima’s broken heart, but he also knew that it was impossible, and the best thing he could do now was give him time. Time was tragic, time was cruel, but time healed, and that was what matters. And if time didn’t heal? He promised himself he would be at Tsukishima’s side until he grew tired of him so it didn’t matter. He knew Tsukishima wouldn’t be in love with him for all their lives, it just didn’t work that way, he knew that by experience, he just hoped that it would be time enough for Kuroo to see Tsukishima well, and healthy and above all that,  _ happy. _

“He died…” Tsukishima finally muttered something, he said it in a really low voice, but Kuroo still could hear it, how lonely, how sad, how broken it sounds. Since they met, Tsukishima was someone you had to take care as if it was crystal.

Tsukishima truly was like a crystal, if taken good care of it, it could be the most gorgeous thing you could ever see, but it’s always on the verge of breaking, emotionally and physically speaking, breaking and letting all the effort to make it stay pretty go to waste. That’s how Kuroo felt, not that he was blaming Tsukishima for it, it wouldn’t be possible, if he had to blame someone, it would be Yuuji for letting it go to this extent. But he too felt guilty for thinking like this, it’s commonly said you shouldn’t talk badly of the dead after all. 

“Yes, Tsukki, he died” There was no lie, as harsh as the truth was, Tsukishima eventually had to accept it.

More tears started to grow in Tsukishima’s eyes, “I loved him” He started, almost proud of himself for not choking mid-sentence, “I loved him so much, he was everything to me, I didn’t know how to live without him, I  _ still don’t know  _ how to live without him, what am I supposed to do now? How can I live without him? He was  _ everything _ ”.

Kuroo’s own eyes started to water, but he gave his best to stop it, and instead, he gave the biggest smile he could manage, totally fake, and messy in some parts but he still gave his best to say “I know.”

And in the end? That was the best thing he could do at the time, it could be passed as a simple gesture, but to Tsukishima? It meant everything.

It meant Kuroo’s acknowledgment to his feelings, the permission to suffer, it meant that in the end, his feelings weren’t wrong, or bad, or anything at all, it was only his.

Tears flowed through Tsukishima’s still skinny but much healthier cheeks, they weren’t unstable anymore, he wasn’t trembling anymore, after all, the tears were just there, silent, calm, and broken.

  
  


xx

  
  


The funeral was held two days later since it took some time to contact Yuuji’s parents. If Tsukishima could he wanted the funeral to only have himself and Hitoka, after all, they were the only ones who honestly cared for Yuuji.

It was held in Tokyo, for some people it could be because it was easier for them, but to Tsukishima it was a slap on the face, he knew what it truly meant. It meant that they didn’t want their ‘broken’ son to be buried in the same place his ancestor did, and that probably themselves would be in the future. It meant their refuse towards their own son.

Tsukishima was the first one to arrive, as much as Kuroo insisted, he went alone, he appreciated everything Kuroo has done to him, without him he didn’t know where he would be,  _ if  _ he would still be in this world, but he wanted to be alone at this time, he felt that Yuuji wouldn’t really appreciate Kuroo in his funeral.

Not much time after Hitoka arrived, she had horrible bags under her eyes, but he couldn’t really say anything when he knew he wasn’t much better, she gave him a small nod and continued to look at the coffin.

Tsukishima was a mess, to not say worse things, but still he put the best suit he could find, the most expensive shoe he own, he took a proper bath and even tried to style a bit his hair, it was his last time seeing Yuuji, he refused to look unappealing in his farewell, not when Yuuji would always say how beautiful and gorgeous he was. He tried to look strong, to look like he was fine like he was healing. But as soon as someone looked at his face they would notice his facade.

Sometime later other people appeared, he recognized Hitoka’s and Yuuji’s mother, but the others were people he never even saw, and it actually made him pretty mad about the situation, he didn’t want any random stranger there, not when he knew that none of them really cared about what was happening, maybe they were business partners of her and just wanted to look good to her. In the end, it didn’t matter who they are, he just didn’t want them there. But he stayed quiet, not wanting to cause a commotion in his lovers funeral.

Could he still call Yuuji his lover though? He certainly didn’t see Tsukishima like that anymore, and Tsukishima pretty much cheated on him by staying in another guy’s house so, could he still call him his lover? He honestly didn’t know, and he too knew he couldn’t ask him anymore.

The ceremony started, he didn’t hear any crying, Yachi Madoka didn’t even flinch at the sight of her dead son, Hitoka looked in the verge of breaking the entire ceremony, he wasn’t much better though. And he couldn’t help but notice that Yuuji’s father wasn’t there, he actually was grateful for it, he couldn’t guarantee that he wasn’t going to at least try to break his nose for all he had done to Yuuji. It was all his fault that Yuuji was the way he was. 

The ceremony was slow, it seemed like he’s decades there, looking at Yuuji’s pale and cold face, and the couldn’t help but remember each of his precious memories with him, each smile, each embarrassed blush, he couldn’t just forget everything Yuuji did, he knew he couldn’t erase the bad things Yuuji did, but right now? He couldn’t care less for them, he only remembered what was good, what made him fall in love with the big goof that the true Yuuji really was. 

When it was time to close the coffin people pattered around it, saying their last goodbyes, the first one was his mother who looked at his face for solid ten seconds, but didn’t even tried to touch him, the others only looked briefly, Hitoka kissed his forehead with big tears in her eyes, that fell gently on Yuuji’s peaceful face, “You were the best big brother I could have ever asked, I love you Yuuji-niichan”, she eventually let his side, and then it was his time to say goodbye.

Yuuji’s face was so peaceful, he couldn’t remember one time that it was as peaceful as right now, even when sleeping his nightmares wouldn’t let him be like this. He looked almost ethereal if it wasn’t for the lack of color in his face, remembering him that the blood in his veins wasn’t running anymore. And if Tsukishima put up a facade all the ceremony now it finally broke.

Tears fell from his tired eyes, tracing a sad way through his cheeks, falling in the hand he tightly held. He knew he wasn’t supposed to do this, but he did it anyway, he took the necklace Yuuji was wearing, with  _ their  _ ring, their precious ring, the proof that yes, they had their wonderful moments, taking off of him and gently grabbing only the ring, he took Yuuji’s left hand again, putting the ring gently on his ring finger, where it was supposed to be all along.

“Thank you for all the good memories Yuuji, and if you’re in heaven, I hope you know how much I loved you”.

And for the first time, Tsukishima smiled warmly, a messy smile, filled with tears and untold promises, but still the most honest smile he could have ever done.

He kissed his hand the last time, moving to his face where he gently touched his blond locks for the last time, he kissed the corner of his mouth, not exactly on the mouth, not exactly on the cheek, trying to convey what he was feeling.

And with that, Tsukishima moved on.

The forced smile continued until the coffin was completely buried, he broke down on tears once more.

  
  


xx

  
  


Slow paced, he walked to where Kuroo’s car was parked, there he saw the man waiting for him. When Kuroo noticed him he gave the best grin, and to his surprise, Tsukishima actually smiled back, warmly and truthful.

“I properly said goodbye, I too said everything I wanted” He talked, and Kuroo only nodded. And without saying anything more, he started to drive, words weren't needed right now.

He was only thankful that the crystal that was Tsukishima didn’t completely break.

He took a deep breath. It was time again.

 

To move on.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life I swear if you felt something, anything please do tell me, the comments are what keeps me motivated to be honest, so yeah...
> 
> Also, constructive criticism is always welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> So... that's it! I hope you all enjoyed a little bit ˆ-ˆ
> 
> If someone is willing to beta this fanfic I would be extremely grateful, I don't have much confidence in my English, and I would like to make it at least decent to whoever is reading this <3
> 
> Thank you for reading this project of mine!


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